KerliKilter

The moon

2012-02-08T23:48:00.001-08:00

There was a great moon in the sky yesterday when i was walking home.

Not the dust ..

2012-02-03T13:40:00.000-08:00

I've been reading the book Indescribable ( by Louie Giglio, Matt Redman). It talks about the sky above us and how we can through that glorify God Almigty who has created all this, including stars and sun and all in universe. Throughout the book i have been amazed about the power of God and the beauty that He has created. It is all over my mind when i think about it.

And then it tells us that this mighty God is near to us, even though He is so big (and we so so small) and He wouldn't have to think about us. But He does.

As i continued reading i found this one very cool part for me. The whole chapter was talking about moon and that without sun the moon wouldn't be such a big thing at all, because it is the sun that gives light so that moon could shine. That even though moon gets credit then sun is doing all the work. And without sun the moon would be just one floating ball of dust.

That seemed so funny to me. And very true. Yet, the same time the authors brought good comparison to it by telling that we are just the same with God. Also how very true.

“Without God we are just balls of dust floating through life. But in Christ, we become both carriers of His divine light and beautiful reflectors of His glory.” (Indescribable - Louie Giglio)

I wouldn't even want it to be any other way. What is the point living without Him? What is the point living if it is not living for Him? Or reflecting His glory? Or praising Him?

It also tells me that without God we are quite nothing. We are something (like floating ball of dust) but we could be so much more (we could shine). We could shine in Him. So the other would see and it would give glory to God. As it says in the Bible:

"You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven." (Matthew 5:14-16; ESV Bible)

So shine, in Him, for Him. And we all can be so happy that we as His creation are noticed by Him and He cares for us so much, that He even gave His only Son for us.

Peace I leave with You

2012-01-27T06:04:00.000-08:00

Kind of amazing things you find from the Bible, if you read it. I say IF because lot of times instead of doing that we don't. (Atleast that happens with me)

But the point is that i read the Bible and found something really encouraging for me. And i hope also for YOU.

A lot of times you feel that the life around you is too full of - troubles, problems, worries, things to do, kids, family things - and sometimes it is overwhelming. But this verse made me thinks things differently.

"Peace i leave with you;

my peace i give you.

I do not give you as the

world gives.

Do not let your

hearts be troubled

and do not be afraid."

John 14:27

When i read this part i felt so big of a relief. Wow. He has given His peace with me. And when it is the peace Jesus i giving to us - it is the greatest one you can have. And it is not, that He will take make my problems disappear, but is in them with me.

So keep in mind that He has given you His peace. He has not left you alone, nor never He does that. That is the reason i also like this following song:

And God Said..

2012-01-23T06:29:00.000-08:00

I heared a great example the other day that one lady in our church was sharing.

She said that people around us see that we walk with God. And these things are witness for them about our mighty God. But however good example you give with your actions then it is not quite enough. For that God could work even more better in other peoples lives, we should speak too.

For even creation did not happen to be before God spoke the word and it was there (Genesis 1:3: And God said....)

And so it is with us. If we speak of the great God we serve to people around us these are the seeds which God can work with.

This was a good intorduction to some of what our pastor was sharing this week at church.

"But in your hearts set apart

Christ as Lord.

Always be prepared to give

an answer to everyone

who aska you to give

reason for the hope that

you have.

But do this with

gentelness and respect,

keeping a clear conscience,

so that those who speak

maliciously against your

good behaivor in Christ

may be ashamed or their

slander."

(1 Peter 3:15-16)

So to me it clearly said that i should be willing to speak if i have chance and if are asked but with gentelness and respect. Not putting people who ask in shame or being arrogant with them.

I thought it to be a good exaple to share with you. For me it is something to learn from and put in a practise and to always remember.

2012-01-19T01:36:00.000-08:00

"For God so loved the world,

that he gave his only Son,

that whoever believes in him

should not perish

but have eternal life.

For God did not send

his Son into the world

to condemn the world,

but in order that the world

might be saved through him.

Whoever believes in him

is not condemned,

but whoever does not believe

is condemned already,

because he has not believed

in the name of only Son of God.

And this is the judgement:

the life has come into the world,

and people loved the darkness

rather than the light,

because their works were evil.

For everyone who

does wicked things

hates the light and does not

come to the light,

lest his works should be exposed.

But whoever does what is true

comes to the light,

so that it may be clearly seen

that his works have been

carried out in God."

(John 13:16-21)

I love to read John 13:16 so much. When i was still young in my faith i was in a youthgoup where i had to memorize this verse. And it has stayed into my head clearly. Maybe i didn't understand at that moment what it really ment. But i do now.

Though at time i might forget it too.

What really struck me today was the last part of the verses i wrote out. I like how it says - it may be clearly seen that his works have been carried out in God. That if you are in light you are seen, because you are in light. And then they see you are with God.

Oh, how i love to read God's word and explore and discover what He has to tell me.

The moments in life..

2012-01-03T06:45:00.000-08:00

Have you ever had a situations about you later think that you would or should have acted differently in them. In those situations you were crumpy, mad or worse.

I have.

I have had those situations a lot. And common line in all those is that i should have said or done differently and you never get those moments back.

So it has come to me that I NEVER GET THESE MOMENTS BACK...

I have to do something about that.

All the moment when i am with my friends and my mood is in negative degrees.. But instead of being miserable i should have good time with my friends. For i never get these moments back. Or Christmas with family. Who knowes what might change after that. It might never be the same.

So i have decided to do something about it. I have decided to live these moments fully and put the misery in the back corners of my mind only to seek them out while i am with my Heavenly Father.

So the bottom line is to have joy in your life.

Don't be in misery for it is around us anyway.

Be happy, joyful, grateful and loving,

because our Father in Heaven wishes us to be like that.

In Him,

Kerli

2012-01-02T04:56:00.000-08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!

Joyful praise!

2011-12-28T02:13:00.000-08:00

I have praise in my heart. It is praise for the mighty King, who saved us. He gave us life without asking nothing back. Why should i get it? Why should i have? Still our Heavenly Father did it without asking any price. And praise now rises from the deepest places in my heart.

I do not know how i have deserved to have God in my life at all. But somehow He came. He planned this. So happy it makes me. How joyful i am. My heart sings a song. This song has no name, no words, no sense. It is the happiest song from all. Sing it, sing it. Open your heart and sing it to Him. For the King of Highest, it is for Him.

It is this King who makes my life good. He gives sense to my life. If nothing matters then He does. He gives meaning to all. So now i sing because of it. I sing and sing and sing. It is imaginable, describable great joy, that makes my life good.

No sickness, no shame, no hurt with Him. Nothing can defeat Him. So now I praise. Praise from the deepest of my heart. Because there has been shame, there is sickness and hurt, but next to Him it is nothing. So praise with me. Praise Him from the darkest corners of your heart.

He woke my heart and never will it fall asleep.

Yours,

Kerli

Alike with who?!

2011-12-24T13:07:00.000-08:00

After being at home for Christmas with my parents and brothers i have started to think more about likeness. And am i alike or not with Christ? Who am i really representing?

If you have been more with me and my blog you know about my family. Who doens't then... I have father who drinks a lot, brothers who also drink a lot and also curse and use bad words a lot. So we tend to be more mean and with harsh words toward each other.

But as you all know, then likeness comes also from those with who you spend more time together. I always say i am like a sponge, who pulls everything inside. Then more i spend my time here, in parents house, it seems like i take all their actions in me and want to act the same - yell more than speak, say harsh words, even say more bad words. I don't like it.

So this all has made me to think with who is my likeness more - with Jesus or with people around me and with their actions. Even though they are my family and i love them, then i don't like all their actions, because at times their actions doesn't show love but cruelty.

And all this behaving differently has drawn their attention. As they are not Christians more so they look my behavior and words i say. And if i should slip, then the punishment is more than for those who are not christians. The punishment is - "look what words you say". As really wanting to say - "so thats what christian looks like. They say they are good but actually act like one of us." And more so this hurts when people who say this are my own family.

But please understand me my family (and all of you) that i am a person who makes mistakes. And in my journey with God i fall, but i promise to get up and do better. But i can tell you that - i am not doing it alone, my Almighty God is with me. That is all i can promise.

You may think now that i have awful family. They are very dear to me. And as people who doesn't know Christ, they judge and do things that are different. But we get along and love each other, though it has not said out loud.

I wish you all a very wonderful Christmas.
With love,
Kerli

PS! In this Christmas time remember Him, the One who was borne and lived for us. Remember Jesuse!

Respect

2011-12-19T07:08:00.000-08:00

The first theme what i want to write about is repect.

This is something you expect from people around you. You want to be respected. And not to be stepped on like you are no-one.

With each year you would notice in Estonia, that kids do not repect others, especially grown-up's. I was in a big trouble when i would say anything out of respect to other grown-ups. But i see these kids basicly spitting on teachers, parents, aunts...older people.

I don't want kids to respect me in Children's Church for being arrogant and selfish with it. They should do it because everyone around us should be respected, cared.

And now i don't mean that kids only should do it. But everyone.

Being a leader for my children's church volunteers team has taught me a lot. And i think the most important lesson has been about respect. I never thought of it so much as now. Also i think it is something i still learn to use.

For me words "love your neighbour" equals with "respect people around you".

With best wishes,

Kerli

New start!

2011-12-19T06:57:00.000-08:00

Perhaps some of my blog readers have thought where did i disappear.

Or maybe you didn't care. Or you have dissapointed in me.

I want to apologize to all of my readers, that i stopped this blog for a while. I needed it. Also i wanted to do something new. I was thinking about it long time. Until now when i felt i want to write again. I need to write. I love to write. And i find this to be good opportunity to do.

With all my heart,

Kerli

When there is nothin to say

2011-10-13T07:26:00.000-07:00

I haven't written to my blog in a very long time. At least not a whole lot. It is because i don't know what to say. It is not that there is nothing going on in my life. Yes, there is, every day.
Just lately i feel i am not doing good. Yes, i do enough to drag myself by. But i could do so much more. Some days i feel like i can just do it. Then some days are like fragile vase to me. Feels like everything could fall apart with in a seconds.

That's what is going on with me. That is the reason why i wrote in my last blog:
""God understands our prayers even when we can't find the words to say them." Author unknown"

That is realy what i feel. I don't know what to say. Even though i know God is with me, talks with me, teaches me, even when i have built some kind a wall around me. His light is so bright that is shines through little cracks at the wall. He knowes what i want to say even when i don't know excactly how to say it.

Today i had kids club. There was only four kids who showed up. But for me, it is continually a miracle. To be able to teach them about Biblical values, to sing worship songs with them, pray together with them, study bible verses with them. This is a miracle. Because most of the parent don't care about God. And if i see their kids learn about God, care about Him, then this is God's miracle to me.

I love these kids so much. I just hope in my heart that they will stay with God - forever.

?

2011-10-07T06:38:00.000-07:00

God understands our prayers even when we can't find the words to say them. ~Author Unknown

This is excactly how it feels to me. I don't know the words to say.

Kids praying

2011-09-22T14:38:00.000-07:00

Today we had kids club second time for this season.
And thinking about it today i am very greatful for kids club. Because it made my day.
I have always wanted and prayed for that kids there would be interested more in God and would value worshiping and praying.
So today was that day. They prayed and weren't ashamed of doing that out loud. They each had little something to say. And i was so happy. I don't know how seriously they prayed in their hearts, but God only knowes that.
we had separate prayer time. but before tea time we also pray or sing to thank for the food. And they said they want to pray more. They did :)
I am just happy that kids whose parents are not christians are praying for their school and home and friends, they thank God for beautiful day.
This encourages me to go on. This showes me that God has a plan. And He is working through little things.
It took a year to even consider them to pray out loud. But now they do it with no fear of to be ashamed.
Thank you God for every little miracle you do here in Valga in young people hearts.

Kids work

2011-09-19T16:16:00.000-07:00

Last week was a kind of a new start for this year. We started full time children work again. Every Saturday will be Children's Church and every Thursday will be for KidsClub.
What are they you may ask?
Children's Church is a place for kids, where they can learn about God, have fun time playing games and doing other fun stuff, worshiping God and most of all - feel that somebody cares and loves them. Most of the kids who come are from non christian families. Their parents don't talk about God at home, because they don't believe God. But for my happiness they wont say no for kids to come to children's church.
KidsClub is for all kids who want to know more about God. It is two hours with kids, where we try to go more deeply with looking into a bible and sharing stories about God. Also have fun with some games. And we end it with tea and cookie time. They love that.

Last Thrusday was the first KidsClub over a long time. I didn't know how many will come or are they interested in it at all. For my surprise all the kids who attended before summer break, came back. We had eight kids and everyone had been there before. It was as answer to a prayer. Because that showes me that we are on the right way with what we do. That those kids who we there before care about stuff we do there. And hopefully they remember God in the future. And more, that they will accept Christ as their saviour and never leave from God.

Starting kids work with full time again, reminded me how much i love this work. Yes, it makes me stressed. and yes, sometimes it is hard, but i love these kids. Every one of them is special. As i am special in my own way and i know that God created me and loves me very much. So i know that God loves these little ones also very much and He knowes them, because He planned them.

I pray that we would love them even more every time being with them. That we would know how to guide them to be on the right track. And show them that no matter what, we will love them and wait them back.
That's the hardest. Because i know from my own experience, that feeling accepted no matter what is so important. And if we, who should show love from Christ, don't do that, then who will.

Thank you all for your prayers. I can only humbly ask you to keep praying for these little ones for they would feel love and acceptance around them.

Latest pictures from Childrens Church:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/50235361@N03/

Family of mine III

2011-09-16T23:47:00.000-07:00

I don't know a lot of thing. I wish i could love people around me more than i do. And then i fail again loving them. I'll do my best every day. But there are people i never want to fail in loving them. And i know i always do love them. They are my family. No matter how bad they've been, or how far they might go from me. I will always love them.

And by loving them i feel the joy they feel and hurt they feel. As if i wold be them. And that is because i love them.

I have two brothers. And sometimes i think they are the most stupid brothers in the world, because they do so stupid things. Like connect themselves with alcohol more and more. My fear is that soon enough alcohol will be their life.
That is my hurt. My heart hurts for them because of this. I want to hit them hard or shake them so they could come to their senses. Alcohol is no life. I've seen the damage alcohol has done to my family. To my father. To other people families. I can't bear to think it might take my brothers too.

Yesterday my heart was heavy with all this. I knew only one to who i can give this is our Mighty Heavenly Father. And i know if my heart hurts and is heavy then His must be too. Much more than mine because i know He loves my brothers more than i ever could.

I don't know how to make my brothers understand. But i hope that having God on my side, we will find the way. Because we love them too much to give up.

Exciting week

2011-09-08T05:24:00.000-07:00

So this is THE WEEK! What week you might ask. Well surely the week children's church starts again. And it is going to be exciting!!!

We have planned out everything with the team. Hopefully there will be lots of kids who come. We have given out invitations, put info up to our web page, send e-mails and word goes around mouth to mouth. I mean, what more could we want :D Put actually this is the thing i would ask you to pray if you are praying for us.

To pray for the kids to come, that they would have fun, that they could feel welcome and loved and most of all that they would find out how much God loves them.

I can also say i have a wonderful team. They have volunteered to be here and give their love to kids every Saturday. And i am excited to see how we grow more together with time. I am excited to work together with these great people we have in the team.

See ya!

The Hope that we have

2011-09-04T12:05:00.000-07:00

I love my church. I love the people here. I love Sundays here. And the most i love the word that is shared every Sunday. I love what God is doing here. I discovered that i love this place when i visited some other church services.

Most of the Sundays i am excited what God has to share this time. Is it boring time at church. Is it not-for-me type of sermon. And i find myself thinking wrong. There is something that He has to tell to me - every Sunday. The trick is to open your heart to the Lord.

Well.

Today our pastor was talking about the hope that is in us.

"But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander." 1Peter 3:15-16

I have always been afraid when people ask me the questions about my faith. What if i answer wrong? What if i make Christianity look foolish? What if i don't know the answer?

All these questions has kept spinning in my head. And to be honest there has been times when i have been afraid to answer because they think i am weird when i status that i am christian. Should i be ashamed of who is my Hope?

Today's preaching brought all that in my mind again. I love that i can be with Jesus. He gives me hope when nothing else around me does. No riches or beauty dives me hope. I can't build my life on that. No good deeds take me up to heaven one day. Nor the laws that i know i should keep. No action does that. We can't build our own ways to heaven. But in Jesus we have hope. And i love to think about it. I love to live with that Hope and put my hope on Jesus. Because i know it is safe to do that.

And living my life non christian people around me notice the hope that i have. And hopefully they will ask about that. But not all the questions will not be to really find out, but to trap us. So what the pastor talked about was that we should be prepared to give answer and do it with gentleness and respect, with clear conscience. We should be wise in our answers and not make them feel foolish for asking and show us foolish.

That all touched me today. I hope i have many people who will ask questions from me. About the hope that i have. My prayer is that i will answer with gentleness and respect.

Big love

2011-08-28T12:08:00.001-07:00

If you take all the gratest things in the world and put them together, you would still not be satisfied. If you do all the things, that you think may give you joy, then you are still not satisfied. If you do all the good and right things that may be done in the world, then you still would not be satisfied. But i know that if we have God in all these things, then everything we have and we do changes for us. Only in Him we are satisfied. He showes us the greatest love.

“Through the clouds of midnight, This bright promise shone, I will never leave thee, Never leave thee alone. “

- Anonymous

“If you took the love of all the best mothers and fathers who ever lived (think about that for a moment)--all the goodness, kindness, patience, fidelity, wisdom, tenderness, strength and love--and united all those virtues in one person, that person would only be a faint shadow of the love and mercy in the heart of God for you and me. “

-Brennan Manning

"If you live close to God
And His infinite grace,
You don't have to tell;
It shows on your face."

-anonymous

“Relying on God has to start all over everyday., as if nothing has yet been done. “

-C.S.Lewis

“Kind words can be short
and easy to speak,
but their echoes
are truly endless. “

- Mother Teresa

Adventure with God II

2011-08-22T02:30:00.000-07:00

Hei everyone!

Hope you have had a great time..living your life :D

Anyway..my adventure continues..

I start with my attitude. Yesterday, before the church service i was excited thinking about service, because i knew i could go there and worship God with songs. I was thinking.."yeah, i can go there and pour my heart out to Jesus." And the surprise was that when i got there then they didn't do worship this evening. What a disappointment :(

But then God got me right there. There was me thinking that the service wouldn't be that good because this evening we had no worship. And there was God showing me how wrong i was. Also showing me about the attitude i had. Was i only there for worship? To sing the songs? Or was i there to worship God with everything, because the reason why i was there wasn't singing some songs, but being together with God and with God's church. The reason why i was there was God.

You see how quickly i forgot that. And i was glad that God so quickly corrected me.

The service was awsome. The message was great. Our pastor Margus talked about the story in Luke 7:36-50 where Jesus was anointed by a sinful woman. He was talking about that by understanding our sins and asking forgivness for them we will be forgiven. And knowing that we are forgiven makes us love Jesus more and more, because we know how big our sin was. Gives us joy. Also makes us to follow Him and serve Him with all our hearts. And none of our deeds earn forgivness or salvation. You can't earn it, He gives you that. Like that woman, who anointed Jesus and washed His feet. She didn't get forgivness because of what she did, but because of her faith in Jesus. Why she washed Jesus's feet and anointed them was because of the love she had for Jesus.
He has loved me first and He died for me, forgave me, cleansed me from my sin and made me new. And He forgives me every day again and again.

One example i had heared once saying:
More i learn about Jesus, the more i understand how sinful i am and need forgiveness for that. It is like when in your room there is curtains infront of your window, then you don't see much in your room. You can't see how messy or clean it is. But when you start pulling curtains aside, then you see more and more. All the sin, wounds, anger and so on. If you don't have Jesus in your life, you don't see much. But if you let His light shine in your life, then you see, where you are.

So, the funny thing is that when i have grown in Jesus, the more i understand how much He did for me. I have a lot to be thankful for.

And that i know what He has done for me, makes me want to sing for Him and praise Him. Makes me want to serve Him with all my heart.

Why do you go to church? Is it because you have to do it? That it is a tradition. Something you just do. Or is it because Jesus?

My Estonia

2011-08-21T03:10:00.000-07:00

Yesterday my country had an anniversary - 20 year of independence from Soviet Union.

And when i woke up in the morning then already from TV they showed showed about our independence. And there was one movie kind of documentary where they talked through eyes of news makers at that time. And who showed everything in TV about what happened 20.th of august 1991.

And all this was so exciting to see. To see how my country got free from union that wasn't making us happy. And to know that to hold us under control many times they had to use violent, unwanted people were sent to Siberia.
The moment when i saw estonian parliament saying YES to declaration of Independence i felt like i wanted to cry. The moment was just so overwhelming. To know that we got back our freedom without any drop of blood shed makes the freedom even better.

And for me it wasn't just one history event that happened 100 years ago. I was 3 years old. You can say that i didn't even know these things happening. But i can say i lived when all these actions happened. They gave me better future.

So in the evening i watched the movie made for Estonians about Estonian independence. It was called "Singing Revolution". It talked about how Estonian spirit was kept by singing patriotic songs. And how that gave us more courage and give us strength to keep going. And the feeling that "One day, no matter what, we will win anyway". Every five years we have these song festivals called "Laulupidu". Where people all over Estonia come together and sing as one voice. Mostly patriotic songs.
So when it was soviet time, then they made us to sing soviet songs. They wanted to hold us in control even there. But there was one song, that had slipped from their eyes called "My father land is my love". That was the last song, and with singing it, it filled peoples hearts with hope.
So next time at song festival soviet people didn't let to sing that song. But audience who had come, came only for this song at the end. And when choir didn't start to do it, then people started that themselves.

Singing is one great thing in estonia. Are they young or old, women or men, we all sing. These songs give us feeling that we are one, living in one country, loving the same country.

Congratulations for all Estonians!

Adventure with God

2011-08-18T00:40:00.000-07:00

There is a good theme to talk about. As you have read then i have had many adventures. But i haven't really talked about them as an adventures with God. Adventure with God. If some adventures last few days or so, then this one keeps going every day. And as i am going along with this adventure i see a lot of things happening.

Through the adventure sometimes i feel like running. Not always with God but some time away from Him. And the funny thing is that i try to make a big secret about it, so He wouldn't know. (But He does) This morning i was together with God. And He made me realize something. Actually pointed it out to me. That there are times when i am running away from Him. With my thoughts. Running away from what He has planned for me.

All these thoughts brought me closer to the story of Jonah. As today i am teaching it to the kids at the Kids Club, it also came close to me. Jonah thought he could be clever and run away from God's purpose for Him. He thought he could trick God. But wouldn't you think God knowes you and sees everything. He is everywhere and the main point is that you can't run away from Him. He will always seek you and will always remind Himself. He wants you to be with Him.

Going deeper with why i am running. The answer is simple. I am scared for i don't know how to do things like how to lead children's church. How to make things work right. How to preach right way to kids. I am scared that i fail and all the people around me point fingers at me and say "she failed". Well, i don't know if Jonah was scared to go to that city. But i know that He found out that you can't hide from God or run away from Him. So do i. I know that.
And the fact is that when He has stuff for me to do then He is there to help me, guide me. He may send me out to the storm and wouldn't stop the storm, but He is there with me.

So my lesson is. I should stop running. Give this to God and find ways with Him. Not to be scared, because He is Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. He is with me.
Are you running?

(Read Jonah story from the Bible)

Family of mine II

2011-08-09T03:00:00.000-07:00

Hei dear readers!
I am so glad you have stayed with me. Or that you have found my blog. I am always excited to see from what country someone has read my blog.

Today i am going to visit my parents. And if you have followed me you know some stuff about them, that are not so nice. But i love my family. And because i just got back from my adventure from USA, then i am excited to share everything with them.

But another reason why i go is that they have a wedding anniversary. And they have been married 25 long years. At least it seems long for me. And in a way thinking of it makes me feel warm inside. They have gone through good and bad.... and worse. And still somehow stayed together. It makes me humble. But at times i just want to yell at them that you don't need to live together because obviously you don't know how to.
Still in all this God has been with me and just saying: trust me, I know what is good, I have a plan.
And knowing that makes me happy that they are still together and have been now 25 years.

So though there are bad times, i can say i have a wonderful family.
And i have a wonderful sister and two great brothers. So glad to have such a big family.

Talk to you soon :)

Me and my life III

2011-08-05T03:28:00.000-07:00

Hello dearest friends!
It is good to be back in Estonia. Who doesn't know, then i had two weeks of vacation. And now it is over for some time. Though this summer is mostly for travelling because i have some more trips ahead.

And every trip no matter how small it is, has become a teaching to me by God. At least that is what i ask from Him. And He truly is teaching me every time. Which i am grateful for.

This time before the year ended for me in the summer with Kids ministry, i could not wait it to end. I was so tired and though i just want to get away. And i felt i am not doing good, was to critical to everything and my serving heart wanted to change to not serving heart. So knowing that is not the right thing i started to ask God what He wanted me to do. To go somewhere else? Or stay here? Where He wants to lead me?
So He started to re-create this desire to work with kids and do it in Estonia, Valga.

And on that trip He was teaching me so much more. He showed me this wish to ministry these kids here in Estonia. And the love He has toward this people here. And inevitably i started to feel the same and more.
Through the people i met He showed me that i should be more forgiving and graceful to others around me. Even more loving. To the people who don't know God it is so important to show this love what we have. I learned that i could do that so much more. To love people no matter who they are or what they have done to me. Because Christ has loved them.

To find out that my attitude has been low on these things made me feel ashamed in front of God. I feel that i should do more. i mean more doing stuff with God and including Him into every step i make.
I feel grateful for all He has taught me and praise Him for He is worth the praise for all.
I feel happy.

Thanks you all for being there for me.

Every person is different

2011-07-29T04:53:00.000-07:00

This week i've been looking a lot of sea shells, collecting them and making something new out of them.
But today i was looking them with a new way. And i understood that they all are different.

Some are small, some big, some broken, some shiny from outside, some regular, some weird shape. But they all make me look at them with amazed look. They are beautiful.
And that made me think of people, how we are different and how God loves each and every one of us, though we are different.
Some of us are small, some bigger, some more outgoing, some quite, some serious, some happy, some broken. But i can say that all create different "shapes". We are different.

We are made to be different by God. And it doesn't matter how different we are, He still loves us. It doesn't matter how broken we are or how sinful, He still wants us to find the way to Him. He can help us, fix us, love us with love that no one does.

And i think that's the attitude God wants us for us too. It doesn't matter how different we are, we should care and love those around us. And we all have lots of people around us. And believe it or not we can affect people with our lives. And loving them is a good way to affect people.

For me personally i have seen this week a great example for that. Example that it is easy to love those around us.
My prayer is that I would have this heart of love for others. More than ever because with that love you can change a lot. People notice that.

(PS! To L. - Everyone is different. No two people are not on fire..awww!)

Family of mine

2011-07-21T20:43:00.000-07:00

You probably know about my family story. If not then you can follow up earlier postings.
I am christian. But my family is not. They know about God but don't care about it really.
And as you know i don't have the greatest family to have. Though i love them and wouldn't want to change them with any.
To give you some feedback what has happened with them...At the beginning of the year my parents had a huge fight. And by fight i mean more than words. And my mom left my dad. it was the hardest time of my life. But somehow i got through it. But the outcome of it all was that my mom went back to him. You might think that it is great. Me too if i wouldn't know my dad more. See, he has had a drinking problem years. You could say that actually from his youth times. Since then he has drank, quit some, then drank more. And that makes him a bit violent. And i grew up with it. It has been sad, and hard.
It was the hardest thing to see my mom to go back the place where she feels pain only. And i can't do anything to fix this.

So going on with what i want to say. Lately i have hear ed or seen families that i just love. Love to hear about them and see how they love each other. And all that has made me feel little jealous. Because my family is not like that. There is a lot of anger, selfishness and more.
But thinking like that is selfish from me. They are the family that God has given to me. Every one of them. And if God gives you this family then I think that He has to have a good reason for that. I love every one of them. Even my dad, even though he has done lots of harm to me and others around me. Somehow i have got over from all that.

I probably haven't told anything about others in my family. Well, i have one sister (almost a year older than me) and two brothers (both younger than me). So i had a good childhood with having fun and fights with them. That i have to say.

Me and my life

2011-07-17T11:14:00.000-07:00

Hei dear readers!

I call myself often as a busy person. If someone asks how am i, then i just say busy or working a lot. And that is true. Even more so recently. I find myself busy with so many things, though it is summer and it should be little bit rest.
So.
Today i realized something about myself. Being busy i have forgotten Jesus in all this more than i should have. I mean yeah of course i go to Sunday service and pray for meals and have little talks with friends about Jesus. Now my heart has got a message. Like - You have new letter in your mailbox :) So i got message from Jesus.
Hehe. But for real.
I was worshiping Him in service with songs and in one song there was line saying - i belong to Jesus with everything, give everything to Jesus. (something like that.)
That brought up a question. Do i really belong to Jesus? Give Him everything? Give Him my time?
And yeah, He was gently reminding me, that He wants to be with me. That i could have this personal time with Him.
I am like - "I love you Jesus. "
He is like - " Me too, that's why i want to be with you"

Something like that.

So being busy i shouldn't be busy for not to have time to Jesus. Because He is the one who matters the most. He is the centre of my life. I want to give Him everything.

PS! By the way, I cut my hair short. :)

Sstrawberries and blueberries

2011-07-13T23:38:00.001-07:00

Me braging with some forest strwaberries .

My blueberries.

I had a quite big bucket.

Yep, that’s my adventures this week.

Adventure: hunting blueberries

2011-07-13T10:09:00.000-07:00

Hei everyone!
As i promised today i went to hunt some blueberries. yes, i did. And yes, i had much more luck than yesterday with strawberries.

First. We woke up pretty early to go into the woods. (I can say feeling bad/sick didn't made it better.) And when we got there i found my dear friends again. "Friends"..haha. The evil mosquito's, who were extra mean this morning. My luck was that there were no horseflies. I guess they were sleeping that early :))
Our failure was that no one had any bug spray with us. So the mosquito's tried to eat us from where ever they could. And if i say where ever then i mean it.

But lets leave all the bugs behind, because after a while you don't even notice them. That's true. All you see is the blue blue berries. You search for them. Your eyes are like eagle eyes. And you are not satisfied, when you find a few berries. Nop, you want that there would be whole colony of them. Very close to each other. And only then you will bother yourself to bend down and pick them up.

I can say i am very proud of how i did today with berries. I got myself almost full 7liter bucket. I don't know where i fit them all, but i love that at winter i can take from my freezer blueberries and make cakes from them. Mmmm.

I love berries. I am happy that God is a great God that He has created so much. So much for us to enjoy.

I hope you had a great day also.
(After blueberries i almost slept the whole day.) I was doing good.

Adventure: hunting strawberries

2011-07-12T11:14:00.000-07:00

Today me and my family had idea to go find some strawberries. Good idea.

SO we did. We drove to a random forest near here and looked around. Ok, not so random because my father did know where to go.

And let the fun begin.

First, let me say that going into the forest isn't that much fun if you don't have protective suit or something, because the forest creatures want to eat you alive :) And by forest creatures i mean big mean mosquitoes and even bigger and meaner horseflies. Ofcourse lets not forget snakes and ticks, which last two we didn't find. huuh.

So, the forest we were didn't contain almost any strawberries at first. We had to search them. Look for them. Call for them. And finally we could say we find some at the side of the road. Only place at all. We walked along the road and when we saw them at the side, then we just ran after them.
You know with the strawberries it is that if you go pick one, then you see another and another. The same happened with me. Finally i found myself crawling through the hay..long hay...under the fern, tall fern. And, i felt like i was a hunter. Quietly (shhh) i search through the hay, making the strawberries feel afraid and tremble, because behold i was coming. And i did and i hunt them down.

And meanwhile all the evil forest creatures were trying to hunt me down. Which i did get away with some war scars. But most of me is all right. (Don't worry about me)

When we felt like we can't take anymore of this battle we started to leave. Sat into our fancy car (Audi TT) and listened some great music and drove away to the sunset. :) Felt happy for the less than a half of a little bucket full of strawberries and arrived home.

Go hunt some strawberries. It will be fun.

(Coming up tomorrow: "Adventure: hunting blueberries)

my summer adventures

2011-07-11T11:08:00.000-07:00

Haven't been here long again. Nice to see you all :D

Well, my time since English Camp has flied away. In that sense that i feel like summer is rushing through. But i can say that i have had a great time in all that.

Last weekend i was near Pärnu in a line dance festival. Two days full of dancing. Line dance all the time. Though i've never danced it, i handled learning some dance moves. It was great. Everything happened in a big farm, where was lots of horses. Also what made my time incredible was one little girl. Actually her mom couldn't go, so she offered the trip to me. And her little 6 year old girl is an amazing girl, with who is fun to travel. :D I loved every minute of it.
The most craziest thing was that they all danced even though it was raining, pouring down rain. So did i :) hehe. But not for a long. And for my sadness, i got a little cold. Can you imagine having cold in the middle of summer with the most hot days. Nop. I didn't either. Since now.

Anyway. Tomorrow our great friends are leaving. Two American interns who have been here for a long long time. And with that time a have got to know the so much. It is sad and hard to say good bye. Though my hope is to see them again next year, what makes the goodbye easier. I will miss you dear friends. :S

Soon so soon i will have a vacation of my own. Can't wait for that. having a break from children's church hasn't made me feel so restful. So i will have fun at my vacation, every minute of it.

Bible. I am enjoying bible these days :D Right now i am reading about one woman named Esther. And it is funny what i find there. The story about the king and what happens around him stroke me. And the way how Esther has her purpose in all that amazes me. If you haven't read this book yet, i encourage you.

Have a great week. I will write soon about my adventures again.
Always yours,
Kerli :)

English Camp III

2011-07-01T14:31:00.001-07:00

It is done. It is over for this year. Kind of sad, but then again some things need to end.

It is really hard to take together all what has been going on. But i will try my best.

First of all, i got to meet so many new people and some who i already knew. And i loved that. I think working with youth has changed me, so i was also more open this year for everything. I met so many amazing people. I was amazed by who they are. About what gifts and personality God has given them.

Today was the last party. It was hard to say goodbye. Though it wasn't so hard for me for i have not said goodbye to them yet. I felt so sad for those who had to say and maybe see some of them last time at all.

I don't know how much this English Camp affected these young people, but i am sure that God is doing His thing. And i am happy for that. Because i know that it took long time for me to be open for God and make this decision.

I hope all these young people want to come to our youth group. To get to know God more.

I will have to say goodbye to you for some time. But i have to say that i have few exciting days coming. Tomorrow it will be our last day with Summer party for kids. (First one we had today.) But also tomorrow i am heading to Tallinn for Singing and Dancing festival. It is going to be a lot of fun.

Hope you guys over there who are following me are doing great. Maybe i can't say that to you in person, but.. May God bless you very much and know that He loves and cares for you so much.

Yours,
Kerli

English Camp II

2011-06-28T11:25:00.000-07:00

Day three is going on here. I canonly say that my time here is great..and more. People here, from estonia and amercia are awesom. I am grateful and humble for having a opportunity to get to know these people and talk with them and just have fun with them.

One who makes me humble is God. The way how He acts is great. The plan that He has for everyone of us is amazing. Even for He found these awesome people who came to Estonia to do English Camp. And all the youth who has come here. I know that God has a grate plan for that. And it makes me humble to be here for that and be a tool for God in all this.

Talk to you soon my friends.
You are awesome. Really :)))

English Camp

2011-06-27T10:50:00.000-07:00

Hei everyone!!!

I am at English Camp in Sihva right now. Things are going great here. We have 40 students from Elva and Valga all together who signed up and came here. And we have 16 americans who help with camp.

This is our second day and there are two and half more days coming. Everyone seem to be excited and ready to be in action. So how our days look like? Every day we ave meetings, where Dave shares about Jesuse's life and about people around Him. So that is exciting. And after every talk we divide into a small groups, where we talk more about the story and answer some questions.
We have english environment, where students can practise their english a lot. That is a lot of fun all together.

And every other time we just have fun, play cool games and hang out in a caffee. What is caffee? It is a place where eveyone can buy some snack, coffee, tea and so on. But that is not all. In a caffee we have lots of board games, hand craft and just space to hang around.

So this is what we do here. I am glad to be involved in this and help them as much as i can.

With English Camp i can say that it is amazing place. Because of the work what God can make here. The way how God can come into young people lives, who haven't heard about Jesus at all. Or some can learn more about Him. I love to be in this work of God. And i pray for these young people would find out their way with Jesus.

And i trust God in all the work, because He is amazing God to do this big work in peoples lives.

That is all for now. I will make sure to update you with this camp more. I would ask you to pray for these Valga and Elva youth who are here. That they would find Jesus.

OK, OK, OK

2011-06-23T06:39:00.000-07:00

Ok, i just have to say this to the world now.

Main thought was - I thought i am going to die!
I was walking out from the church to go to Chris and Laura's place. And i had just walked across the road towards there. At that time i heard awful noise. I heard car coming but the car was hitting breaks very hard. And the noise came right at me. Like the car would hit me right this second. My thought was that i am going to die now.
So i turned around and didn't see anything like that. Car was just wanting to turn to right on the road and to do that, they has pulled the hand break, which made such a horrible noise. And the car wasn't anywhere near me. Quite far. Though my heart had stopped for few seconds.

I don't like these things at all. Why should you handle car so irresponsible, especially near people. But anyway..
The bottom line for me is that i won't live forever. I might just die soon. But might not. I guess death is not scary for me. The scary thing is that do i have everything ok with Jesus? I don't think that we should think about death so often. It is just today i had this experience. And it made me to think about it.

Sorry for talking so low mood things. Because i hope that you are doing good. Actually i hope you are doing GREAT. :)

I am having a great day today. Spending time with great friends. And it is so wonderful. Also today is a celebration for Midsummer Day. So we are gathering with lots of friends/church people at pastors house and just have grill, lots of good food and this fellowship with each other. But the main thing is bonfire. Bigger it is, more fun we have :))) Can't wait that.

So you guys have fun. Talk to you soon :)

Hello, hello, hello

2011-06-19T14:57:00.001-07:00

Dear readers,
Today i am not writing nothing too deep. Huuh, yeah. Finally something light. Hehe.

The season of work is starting to get over for this year. And now it is summer. So it means resting time. I like resting time.

Can you believe that the year has past so fast. It just was autumn and now it is summer again. It just was Christmas and now it is summer. And no snow. Can you believe it? So this is the typical talk..But that is how it is.

But really. It was a great year. We had so many interesting stuff going on. Since September we had cool parties with kids. We has so many visitors from different countries. In January great group came from Norway DTS. We made our own Children’s church singing party. I loved that. I enjoy worshiping God with kids songs. Sometimes simple is better. And we finished our year with super cool party. And we have two cool young people from States stayed here for that. They are still here, yay. And besides that we had regular children’s church every week and that makes all the parties better.

So amazing year in children work.

Though everything in this year wasn’t about kidswork. I was helping a lot in youth at my church. And i discovered that i enjoy hanging out with youth.

But there were sad things. If you have followed my blog, then you know about stuff what happened in my family. So February was the hardest time for me. Thanks for all who was there for me and prayed for me at that time. And big thanks for God. I can’t imagine to get over these hard thing without God anymore. And i don’t want to. He carried me through. And yeah i do have some hurt in me, because things didn’t turn out as good as i wished for. But God is here for me. He never leaves me. And He has everything under control.

Do you have times when you feel you are so blessed. And you might even think that you don’t deserve it. That is what i feel sometimes. Though my Father in heaven loves me so to give me these blessings. I feel that i am blessed with lots of friends. I could never think 5 years ago that i have so many friends and they actually care about me. :D

Summer is here. Lovely summer. Full of fun. Full of traveling. Time to get strength and i really need that. I feel like i am empty battery.

But for you dear readers i wish very good summer. I will try to follow up more than i have had right now. If you are up to it :) Enjoy the summer. Enjoy living right now and for God. Seek Him every day. That is my plan.

See you soon.

“Love is not easily angered”

2011-06-08T02:09:00.001-07:00

Haven't been here long time. Haven't had any idea what to write. My goal for this has been always that God can touch your heart through this blog. But mostly not so great stuff is going on in my life now.
And as you all know life is not so happy and bright all the time.

And i feel angry and annoyed. Lot of things make me angry. Especially now. As i thought this anger is not common to me. Where does it come from?
I do know the reason for this. I have drifted away from God's presence to world's. And more far i go, more angry i get.

Month ago i got a little kitten. Those who has cats or has had know that they can be big trouble makers. What to you do in that kind of situations? So many times i have been angry. And anger leads to yelling.. And later i regret. Promise to myself not to do it. It happens again.
So i am already angry with myself that i get angry.

What does the anger give us?
Nothing. Absolutely nothing good. But it can create and add a lot of trouble into our lives.

Can't then we feel anger at all? I guess we can. We all get angry time to time. It is only matter how you solve that. How you deal with that? Do you bring your anger out to everyone who is near? Or take time to calm down and think things through. Go to God with that.

God's word is very powerful. And i needed it is going to hit us hard. As it did for me. See, i started to read about love in a 1 Corinthians 13. It is talking about love in a big way. Love should be...

I like to read that to remind myself things. Also I understood that to be qualified to all what love should be, then we all would fail. And we do - every day. But we can be sure enough that we has God's great grace to help us in that. That means without God it is not possible at all.
One thing hit me the most. Because i needed that.

“It is not rude,

it is not self-seeking,

it is not easily angered,

it keeps no record of wrong”

1 Corintians 13:5

Well, God reminded me, that i am easily angered. And some of it because i have gone more far from Him.

But with anger it might not be only a cat. It can be your neighbour, friend, colleague, parents, kids… What to you do then?

Today i heared a song. I don’t know if it has english verion also, but it is very good in estonian.

The lines are:

I feel good

i feel good..in Jesus

If God’s peace is inside my heart,

then even in storms,

the happy song is in my heart

i feel good, i feel good in Jesus

So if you are not feeling good, then in Jesus you can feel good. You can have peace in your heart and not to feel angry.

Fortunate we are!

2011-05-24T08:02:00.001-07:00

This week at Sunday i was touched by word of our pastor. He was talking about giving back to God with joyful hearts. For me it continued last times theme what another great pastor was sharing with us. He was talking about that we can be happy with or without our stuff but only being together with God. That you can enjoy your things in God and without God there is nothing that can satisfy us.

Each man should give what

he has decided in his heart to give,

not reluctantly or under compulsion,

for God loves a cheerful giver.

2 CHRORINTHIAS 9:7

This scripture has been a guide to me for a long time. I have known that God would want me to give from cheerful heart, but not always i remeber this. There has been times, when i struggle in my giving and even do it with little bitterness in my heart and i think that i need this money to survive.

I don’t know has it is for you, but for me it is hard to trust God in money issue. For some reason i have thought that He can’t make things better with money. That is a big fat lie! :) Because God has provided me so much more as i ever could think of. With things and with money. But as a human things be forgotton pretty fast.

This Sunday reminded me that i should correct myself of what kind of attitude i pay my tithes or give offering. I’ve never been arrogant of thinking why i should give me money to church. I’ve always seen it as i give it back to God. And He knowes how to use it.

Money is a touchy theme in Estonia. Some has it, some don’t. The one who has are proud in it. The one who has and want to give it to other people find it hard. Because the one who doesn’t have are proud and they don’t want to be teated as poor people. And in the end – lots of people are greedy and jelous over other who has money or who has more.

This theme reminds me to be faithful and trust God in small things. That He could see, that He can use you in small things as giving little from the little you have. And now to think back of how fortune i have been with His blessings all my life, i feel ashamed.

I am happy to find this out now. He is a great Teacher :)

Veel ja veel ja veel | More & more & more

2011-05-15T13:12:00.000-07:00

In Children's Church this week i taught about Joshua and how sun stand still. It talked about it in KidsClub and in Children's Church.
I see it is a great story. And the miracle what God does is big.

""O sun, stand still over Gibeon,
O moon, over the Valley of Aijalon."
And the sun stood still,
and the moon stopped,
till the nation avenged itself
on its enemies,
as it is written in the Book of Jashar.
The sun stopped in the middle of the
sky and delayed going down
about full day."
Josua 10:12-13

Preparing for this lesson and thinking how to present it to kids God showed me a lot.
For me it is still hard to believe, that so big and great God is with us in all the stuff that we need to handle in life. To teach me, to guide me. Am i worthy enough? So when-ever i find verse, where God confirms that promise, i feel touched.

Because when Joshua and his army went to help Gibeonites, He made a promise to them.
Going to the war with all his army including his best men, God said:
"The Lord said to Joshua,
"Do not be afraid of them;
I have given them into your hands.
Not one of them will be
able to withstand you""
(Josua 10:8)

Also it brought up a question to myself. Does God promise that to me also?

Thinking about the story and the promise.. When i read the story, then for me it doesn't seem that Joshua was afraid of the enemies at all. He had big army and best fighting men. He had won so many wars. Kingdoms near by were afraid of them. But he must of be. Because God still had to or wanted to give that confirming word to Joshua. "Do not be afraid!"

So who am i. I have no big war to fight in. Or don't i?
I think it doesn't have to be war with weapons. We all have wars and battles. Every day. Some small and some huge. Do you?

I asked Him about it. Is this true for me also. Can i go to a war and nothing withstands me? Yes..yes...
But not alone. Do not go to the war alone. THIS might be the scariest thing to do. Go with God. God is not telling Joshua, that go to the war and you are going to win that by yourself. He is there. He has given enemies into their hands. And Joshua had no power to put sun stand still. God had. He made it true. So that they could win.

I want to remember this every day. But sometimes i start to doubt in myself. Am i worthy enough to have so big and powerful God with me. So again i saw that He is there with my in all the stuff that comes in life.
Do you know that?

PS! I encourage you to read this story. Book of Joshua 10:1-15

Piiblipäevad | Bible Days

2011-05-02T05:28:00.000-07:00

This weekend i was in Pärnu. There was one of Estonian biggest youth event called Bibledays. Three days full of exciting things. And i can't wait to share it with you.

Day 1:
We started the trip with quite big group. We had 8 people coming from Valga. It was very cool road trip. There was some people, who hadn't been in BibleDays before. We felt how excitement grew more with getting closer to Pärnu.
When the event itself started, there was so many young people there. And we started with worshiping God. It was a wild feeling to be there. More so to worship God with all those young people. And even more just to give myself to God and tell Him: use me; talk to me; be with me.
First evening preaching was from Jose Zayas. It was good to listen him, because the way he talked. It was easy to understand. And by the end, when he called young people to give their lives to God, then there was big group of them. They also got a book by Jose Zayas called "Airborne: Getting Your Faith Off the Ground" in Estonian. Also it was great to see two girls from our youth group wanted to give their lives to God. You can imagine the wild feeling and joy.
Also we had a great band - Dave Lubben band (Lad Hill). So we could rock together with the band and just praise God. With the band i have a story also. I hear ed them last year in the end of last years Bible Days. And i so wanted their music. To listen them. And there was no music the get anywhere. So for my surprise they gave free CD of their last album called "A place called surrender". I was so excited. It is like wish coming true a year later :))).

Day 2:
For my surprise i woke up at 5:30. Even though i went to bed quite late and i was exhausted from Friday. And first good part of the morning was - coffee. Mm mm.

Morning coffee time in the car :)

Oh, that was the best Statoil coffee:)
After that we had morning service with worshiping God. And listening preaching. That morning we listened a guy named Gunnar Kotiesen. he was so funny guy and made lots of joked. That was great. But the best part was the message. he was talking about the foundation in our life. And what building materials we should use. What is the rock we stand on? Is it Jesus? It was great to listen that and to feel how God is stretching my heart with all He is saying to me.
The day went on...
With seminars:
I chose seminar called: New generation - how to reach youth.
First i was little sceptic about it. And i though it is just another movement. They come and go, right. But this seminar was really something. New generation is talking about going into the schools. That if you are youth who is at school and is christian and wants to do something in the school to reach youth, then new generation would help. For the end of the seminar class i felt like i want to be young again and be in school, so i could start to do christian gatherings in school. I realized that being with God and talking your courage, you can make difference in your school. I hear ed so many stories that this things really works in Estonia too.

Eating...

Spending time together with out group. Hanging around the city and at beach.

And evening service.
The main speaker was Märt Saar. He was talking about three things, what we as Christians should do:
1) Believe in Jesus without seeing Him
2) Speak it to others
3) Act it out

The evening continued with worship and more worship. Between the worship we prayed about lot of people. And lot of people got healed.

Day 3:
Woke up at 8 am. Too late. Because we had planned to go out at 8:30. So quick prep for starting day and another day could start. But not without coffee :)

As usual we started with worship. Also every city or church groups had to group together to pray about their own city.
After that we had service. Where Meego Remmel spoke about going out. After the preaching all who wanted could pray with prayer team and also give their lives to God. To others who wanted, could be a part of bread breaking.

Soon there was time to say goodbye. And to wait next years event, what should be in Tartu as they said. Can't wait.

From the girls, who were their first time and got saved i asked how they liked it. They said: it was more than they could ever expect. More than they waited.
I hope and pray that they continue fully their life in Christ and they won't forget it, but are reaching out for more.

Blooming!!!

2011-04-27T23:46:00.000-07:00

Everyone has a change to start blooming.

I have one plant, that i got from my mom. When i got it, it was very small and looked like it didn't grow bigger at all. My mom said also, that it wasn't growing at her house eiter.

And i moved it around my apartment, so it could get the best light. And still nothing. I tried to water it so often as needed, so it could grow. I even talked with that plant. Weird am i yeah :))

And all for doing this, it might grow bigger just a little bit.

Then one time i noticed something. I had just moved it to other place again like a while ago. And now i see new green leaves at that plant. I was so excited. Yess. Now it is in the right place.

Soon after that apartment owner changed windows at my place. And now i had lots of room at the windowsills. And i put it there for more light. And for my delight it started to grow even more. It is weird to say, but it looked like the plant was happy. And i was happy. Hehe.

It's been past almost a year now from that. Last week i was watering it. And for my surprise it started to create some blossoms. Beautiful, tiny bright red blossoms. Wow. I never knew that this plant will get any blossoms. But now it does.

This story reminds me how i came to Christ. I was doing ok before knowing God. I grew a little bit. But then getting this right treatment, care and love from God and people around me, i starte to grow much more. And that i didn't even know i will, i started to bloom. For to show out God's love to other around me.
This makes me thank God for all He does in my life. And to pray that other people, who doesn't know Him, will get to know. And then they really bloom.

SINGING PARTY

2011-04-25T04:03:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we had our own singing party with children's church kids for Easter celebration. Also it was a little project brought alive one of our church ladies, Kristi. She got in her heart to do a singing party. But not only. By doing that she wanted to record and film it in live.

Kids have been practising every Saturday. And some of the main singer even more. There were older and even very small kids singing lead. I was so much enjoying to be a part of it.

Being a little church it is sometimes hard to find people for all the things, that needed to be done for this event. But God just made it. With lot of prayers this event was given to Him totally. He put it in peoples hearts, He made it happen also.

There was a lot of people coming to see that. Some parents, some church members, some friends. But the hall was full. It was amazing to see.

I enjoyed all the songs and also the moves. For every song there was certain moves. I was showing them to kids. I love to show moves to kids. For me it brings the words that we sing more alive. And i hope for kids also.

Some pictures..

2011-04-20T23:28:00.000-07:00

Fool with a fancy guitar.

This is a song by Andrew Peterson. I i just enjoy it. It is telling a lot about how we as humans struggle with our dayly things. It is telling who we are being together with Christ.

Last days i have been thinking more about what Christ has done for us. I have sensed more what He has done for me. For you. You could say ok i know that story already. Yes, He died for me. And i am blessed. Bla-bla. But now, think through it again - He died for you. Someone died for you. He did it for you. For me. He gave away His life going through suffering becuase of us. So that we could live. Oh, it makes me so humble. And how blessed and loved i am by God.

God can bless us with so many things. Also with people in our life. I feel that now. When i see cool and they-like-to-everyone people, then i think - Oh, they would not want to hang out with me. Hehe. I think i am not so cool to be with cool people. Does it makes sense? But during this time with God, i feel that He has really blessed me with friends. And i can't thank Him enough for that. I feel that God is telling me through these people - "Kerli, i love you. And i want you to be happy."
Oh, how it makes me happy. I appreaciate it a lot when people take time to get to know me. Because just by looking at me you don't see much.

But it is not only that i grow and feel blessed being together with my friends. It makes me think how i can act towards people i meet and communicate. I want to think that i can pour in their lives as they do for me. I want to think that my friendship and my love and care encourages them and makes them feel blessed.

We all have change to pour in someones life. And we often don't think how are actions can make people happy or make them sad. But let us do that. Let us love and care people around us. It is a challenge sometimes. But God can really bless us through that.
Have a nice day for you all. May God bless you very much.

By the way - SNOW is almost gone :))) And people are out enjoying nice weather outside.

And sun is shining!!!

New countries!!

2011-04-15T23:35:00.000-07:00

This last Thursday we talked in KidsClub about Afghanistan.

Every month one time we introduce one country to kids. They find it very interesting to hear about it and see how other people in other countries live.

For to do that lesson, i had to study a lot about Afghanistan. For all the countries i have done for them, this has been the most exciting. I learned about this culture. I looked pictures. I read more in Internet. I looked up the war what is going on there. The clothing. I got this excitement in me to tell about it.

I read this book about Afghanistan life. One lady with her husband had been living there over a year and she wrote a book about it. She described it so alive and put nice pictures there. All the funny and sad things.

Also i read about how you can't even give to your friend a book, where is all about our Father. Most of the people are Moslem's. And lady in the book wrote, that locals were actually very interested about their religion. And they were kind of insulted if they weren't Moslem's. So they the couple were very discreet about it in the conversations.

I like their culture. We might think weird about wearing clothes (as ladies) that has to cover all our body. Even when it is very hot outside. But this is what is in their culture.
Women in the book wrote, that when she was in her garden and was doing some homework, she didn't wear clothes that should cover her arms. And she had neighbour (women), who she could tell was little upset about it and looked bad at her because of that.

In kidsclub we all wear headscarf's (for girls) and boys were their kind of hat and scarfs wrapped around their head. For them to be with that few hours was challenge. But it also was exciting for to do something different.

I will put some pics up soon, to show you are fun time together.

I am so glad that there are different cultures. And i know that God loves all these people. No matter where you live.

spring

2011-04-07T07:41:00.000-07:00

How amazing that the spring is here. Though it is raining now outside, i am still enjoying it. Something new has come, that i see..

Just the other day, when the snow had just melted some walkpaths, i could walk on them. You can't imagine how that felt like. Well, maybe estonians can. :)
It felt amazing. It felt like i had never felt ground under my feet before. And that is true. I had forgotten all about how is to walk on ground.

That's exactly how it is sometimes with me and God. There are times, when i have left God aside and done some other thing, that are not worshiping God. And i make them center of my world. But when i do realize, that God should and is center of my universe, then i feel the same feeling. I feel like the snow has melted and i walk on steady ground. And that feels good.

I am enjoying spring. All what is happening. There are birds outside singing. Flower coming out. Water everywhere. And the air, it feels lighter, different. It feels like you can finally breathe.

Hope you have nice spring time.
Hope the sun is shining bright for you.

2011-03-25T14:39:00.000-07:00

THis past week has been a little hard on stuff going on because of the schoolbreak for kids.
So we thought we do some fun stuff with them and watch a movie. We advertize it and say it to kids - to 40 of them. And evantually show up only 16. Hah. What is that? So for me it is very funny and encouraging, that just a movie isn't so fun and cool, than haning around in children's church. Or even maybe learning new about God.

It has been a pleasure to see kids still coming all the time to kidsclub also. Though there were olnu few this time, then they were to ones, who come every time. God has blessed me so much with those kids. And i think i can never appreciate enough. And i am sure, that God has His plans for those kids. And i am just a tool to be used for that. And it makes me happy. I hope they grow up to be fine young man and woman one day and they stay with God. Investing in kids lives is such a thing, where you don't see result right away. But i can put my hope on God and pray that these kids who come today, will know God deeply and knowes the values of life. Knowes how to raise family and to bless others.

Sometimes i look those young kids and think who will they be one day. There is in kidsclub on chatty boy. He is so great. Although lot of the times he is a big trouble with his talking, but also when is the right time to talk, then he is sharing his heart. He seems to be so honest with that. And i can imangine him talking every person to do his way, because of his big talk.
Also i look other kids. I think who they might be some day.
I like this dreaming. But i am not God. And i can pray for those kids. Because God knowes who they will be.
Like my pastor said resently. We might not know what waits us in the future and what happens. But we know who is there.
This dreaming also put me in worry. What if they go away from God?? What if they turn to bad way?
But i can think instead something else. I don't know who they will be in the future, but i know to who i can pray and who is there with them.

These kids grow up. I look at them as my kids, with whom i've been together about 3 years now. My next fear is that they might not come back. They turn 11 or 12 years old and other things intrest them. I hope they want to come on to youth. Where they learn something new. And hopefully get to know God more deeply with their hearts.

To see these non-christian young people coming to church and hanging out with us and learning every time new about God is awsome. Youth who come from non-chirstian families want to know about God!? But i guess i shouldn't be so surprised. Because i am like them. I was like them. Coming from non-chirstian family where no-one told me about God. And i found out about Him. So funny how God reminds me that.

God is here. He is showing me His miracles every Thursday, Friday and Saturday. He showes me that through young people, when they grow in Him.

Have a great night and weekend. May God be with you.

To forget God

2011-03-17T02:26:00.000-07:00

Last children's church we were talking about Moses and Isreal people.
We were in the point where Isreal people were out from Egypt and were in the desert. At first people were thankful for God that He broguth them out from the Egypt, where they were slaves.
But soon enough they started to gruble with Moses and God. Because they didn't have anything to eat. So quickly they forgot what God had done for them.
Come on people - He just divided the sea for you could escape!! Can't He give you the food you need?
But the people whined and were accusing Moses and God that they brought them out from Egypt. It would have been better in Egypt, they thóught.
Later on they did the same thing when they didn't anything to drink.

I mean how easily we can forget thing, right.

So i was talking with kids about it. And i said, that it is better to be thankful for what we have and to pray to God, because if we have such a mighty God next to us, then what is impossible for Him.
Let us not to forget who is with us.

And i have been thinking how easy is to forget that. Also the things what God has done for us. And if i think about it then most of the times i feel that i am so ungreatful.
I am also like the isreal people. One day i am joyful for God is mighty and does so great thing. The other day, when some big thing goes bad in my life or even daily problems happen, then i get frustrated and mad about those thing. I am mad that these things happen with me. Why me?? What i've done to deserve it?

What i want to say is that God has been faithful to us in everything. I want to be the same. Stay faithful. Althought i know i fail again. The answer for this is that He wants us to come near Him - in our failures, happyness, sadness...

What is the end?

2011-03-11T03:01:00.000-08:00

My heart brakes,
there is pain and hurt.
Decisions are made,
are they good or bad?
It would be a lie,
if i say i don't care.
But my heart is afraid,
to know, to feel, to be scared.
What if there is death?
It would be better is she'd left.
She stayd - she went back.
just to hurt herself again and again.

What if it ends with death?

I see no solution,
no end, no salvation.
She is there and lets herself abuse.

He is a madman,
crazy mind and little mental.
In his brain - there is something loose.

God where are you?
What is the end?
I do, i love you,
but i see, he won't repent.
What should i do?
I wish it would end...

Special flower

2011-03-01T23:24:00.001-08:00

I got a plant (flower) as a present. And it had beautiful blooms with purple, yellow and white colors all together in one bloom. But soon the blooms went away and it looked worse and worse. No matter if i put water or not.
But then one point it started with new leaves and new blooms. And my amazement was big when i discovered that it had yellow blooms, white blooms and purple blooms. Every bloom had just one color in it.
Wow. I thought that is great.

Now recently it started to bloom third time. And again three different color of blooms. It made me smile to look that flower.

Sunday i heared pastor Margus preaching about vine tree and branches.
"I am vine; you are branches. Whoever abides in me and i in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing."John 15:5
And when i went home and saw my beautiful flower i thought about it too. God is the plant and we are the blooms. And we are different but we can all be together in Him. And we could not grow apart from Him and do anything apart from Him. What struck me most was that we really are all different people. Different nations, cultures, skin colors, gender, personalities. But God is the same.
This scripture is something that gives me strength. And gives me safe feeling.
I don't say that when i am in Him, then i am almighty. No. I am not, but He is almighty.

To be in Him and grow in Him is important for me. And not just go through the scripture to say i have read the bible. I heart to read it with my heart. And i am amazed how He changes me through being together with Him.
Have a wonderful day my dear readers :)

My beautiful flower.

Great

2011-02-28T03:35:00.000-08:00

Hehe...God is so cool.
He just makes me smile.

In our church we are starting Alpha Course again. And this time there are less people signing up. Yesterday was actually last day.
And i was little bit sad about it. But i kept praying about it. And now there are more people. In the last minute signing up. Yay :)
And i think this is all God. He knows people who should come. I hope it comes out great. And the best thing about it is that people hear about God. They will hear that He is not scary or weird or mean but loving God.

So today i was going to bank and one lady calls. She says: "oh i forgot to sign up. I didn't know, but can i. I have been thinking to come. To find out what they talk there."
I think it is cool and all what He does. So He makes me smile. God, You are great and funny. :D

Today is sunny weather. Spring is coming. I can feel it. So good.
Thank you God for a new day.

2011-02-27T04:28:00.000-08:00

Funny thing happened with me. You never want to call me when i am sleeping. More creepy - when i am exhausted and sleeping. I just can't remember what i talked and what you talked, the most embarassing - i am rude. Hehe.
So that is exactly what happened with me yesterday. I feel little bit embarassed. Hehe..But also funny to me.

It has been week i can be thankful for. More important, i can praise God every day. I am very thankful for God, that He is showing me more and more about who He is. And that walking with Him is the coolest, smartest, best thing to do. It is exciting. I feel like little girl who is pouncing next to Him while He is holding my hand. It gives joy to my heart and makes me feel safe. Haha..maybe this is weird what i am talking. Or nonsense. But real in my life and to me.
And oh, how he loves us. Just like in that song. How He loves us? Oh, how He loves us :)

I hope you have great day and exciting new week, with Him. Filled with new experiences. And i hope that you have sun shining outside. And if not outside, then hopefully in you.

Yours, Kerli

The attitude!

2011-02-20T11:17:00.000-08:00

What an attitude of serving God?

Today i thought if my attitude should be great only then when i do things i like. But the things i don't like? Or are not as cool as some? Or the things that no-one sees?

I like and i am sure that most of the people to have this pat on my shoulder for doing a great job. And when no-one sees what i have done then i feel they should come and say how great i did. Hehe..that is funny.
TOday i thought about it. And got really mad at myself acctually. And asked myself. For who do you do this? Why do you do this?
I realized that what others say doesn't acctually matter to me so much as what God says or thinks of me.
So i asked forgivness and i really want to serve God even if no-one around me sees. Because God sees that.

Oh, and one another thing i found is really cool.
Some days ago i discovered that i can see in my blog how many people read it. And from what country. I honestly have thought that not a lot of people read my postings, my thought about God and life and how is my life doing. It might be a really boring.
But then i got really encouraged by seeing that there are people who sees my blog. Thanks!
Hehe..makes me smile. And i say Hello to all the people in United States, Poland, Norway, South Korea, Estonia and to all the people i don't know. But God knows you.
May He bless you very much.

TO FOLLOW HIM

2011-02-14T05:31:00.000-08:00

Today i realized that no matter how my life is going, God still wants me to go after other people. To catch people instead of other things.
He's heart is for people. And we are He's tools to reach people, one of them.

My family is going through hard time. And i see He is great God who turns bad into a good. He is there for me.

And i love Him. With whole my heart. Because of all He has done for me. He is bigger than i've ever realized.

I just walked in a night city of Skien. And at other side of hill i could see lots of lights. Maybe a light from house or street light.

That reminds me that we as christians aare lights in a dark. And light is seen when it is out there. So can we be seen.

I love this life. Life with God. Even though there is pain, there is also love in it. And love makes it good, because it is above all. Love to another can make things different.
And i can choose to love. To love what God loves.

I hope He never stops changing me and shaping me to become His better tool to use to reach people. So my light could shine far.

There was one other thing i was thinking about. Maybe you've felt it. When things got duff with my family, then i hid behind the pain and problems and looked sad and mad. Because i had right to it. To be sad and mad. I was thinking that. And in a way i was hiding behind it so i should not forgive or go on with life. I was stuck behind it and i liked it.
But i saw that God doesn't want me to hide behind anger or sadness. We should move on and forgive. He does say that forgive because i have forgiven.

In every season

2011-02-02T04:57:00.000-08:00

In my life now i need the peace and support the most. And He is giving to me the perfect peace. Every day i go infront of Him and fall again infront of His legs and cry out to Him. He is there. Supports me.

I have to do that every day. Otherwise i know i will crash.

Over these last few day i've been getting mad and arrogant about all what has happened with my family. Why it happens with me! Why things are not good right now! WHy!!!!
And it's been growing inside me. But today i realized something.
Something that i have been teaching to kids last four weeks. That God is with us in every situation. He is with us. No matter where we are. And in our life there is different times and seasons.

I was teaching them about Joseph. That how he trusted God in all. Joseph was throuwn into a well, sold to a slavery, and throuwn into a jail for nothing. Would you think that it is a life he wanted.
But if to read through all the story you find out that God was all the time with Joseph. And Joseph trusted Him and didn't sin against God. And i am sure, found comfort in Him.
Joseph had all these different seasons, different times.
God brought him out of it.

To look back in my life. I have different seasons. But do i stay loyal to Him in all. Am i praising God in every season.
That was His question for me.

Perfect peace

2011-01-26T07:10:00.000-08:00

This last week has been crazy..complicated..fun..sad..happy.

I will continue talking about my family. Who has followed me know es that in my family there were big fights and my father promised that he will stay sober for us.

That didn't happen.

It is ok. I continued to pray over them. This burden was too heavy to carry alone. But for my Father it is nothing. So every day i had to give it to God again. "Please take that for it is too heavy to carry." I had to force myself to do it. Otherwise i just hurt myself.

Five days ago my parents broke up. They had a huge fight what ended with police and mom coming to live at my place. In the middle of night i found myself driving back to country side to take her to my home. All seems to be broken.

Today i woke up and went to work, though nothing seemed to be all right. I couldn't do anything. Felt like i am crashing, because if i am strong for my family then who is strong for me. i had one good friends with who i could share my worries. It made my day. Also i remembered one song.
This is song by Laura Story - Perfect peace

stay close by my side
keep your eyes on me
though this life is hard
i will give you perfect peace

in this time of trial
pain that no-one sees
trust me when i say
i will give you perfect peace

and you'll never walk alone
and you'll never be in need
though i may not calm the storms around you
you can hide in me

burdens that you bear
offer no relief
let me bear your load
cause i will give you perfect

stay close by my side
and you'll never walk alone
keep your eyes on me
and you will never be in need
though this life is hard
know that i will always give you perfect peace
i will give you perfect peace

It is talking about perfect peace that only God gives us. That happens only in Him. I like it because it says that He might not calm the storms around us, but He will give us the peace. And i guess that is what i need. Peace in Him. If i am in Him, then i stay strong and i can be strong for my family. No matter what but still i can lean on Him and trust that He is here.

Thank You

2011-01-11T11:49:00.000-08:00

It has been a good day.
And i want to thank my God for it.
For i have such a good friends and co-workers. For i have supporting pastor.
For i have great team who do children work with their heart. Thank You for a cute little girls, who are my small friends and can always make me smile.

I thank my God for good weather. Especially i loved the clouds at sky today. And i loved, that time to time the sun beams came out between the clouds.

Thank You for the moments of laugh.

Thank You for the day. For the day i can walk with You.

2011-01-02T04:43:00.001-08:00

Happy New Year to everyone!!
I hope that new year came with the way you wanted. Peaceful or in party mood :)

Yesterday and this morning i realized something. God reminded me that in very many ways. He wanted me to think why i do things i do. And in a funny way our pastor talked about it too this morning. I think this was to everyone a very good reminder. Why you do what you do? Why you go to church? Why you help to serve in church? Why and for who?

It started yesterday. My task was to do coffee table for church today. And oh how i started to think that i don't want to do it. I even got someone else in a very late night who could do it for me. And the worse thing was, that i didn't want to come at all here.
I think lots of the reasons were me thinking of other. What they think of me and so on. Lots of sundays i have struggle of finding a good outfit to wear. And because of me thinking that others has better outfit than i do and i look ungly next to them, i don't want to go to church. Is that normal then!!!

So i had these thoughts in my mind. I weighed them in my mind. Should i still go or not.

I seeked God. (Good decision). Maybe He can say something to me. I read the Bible. Nothing.
But He started to speak with me. He told me: "For who are you going to church? Who do you serve? What are the reasons?" Am i going to church to follow some non written rules, that if you are christian then you'll go to church also. Or do i have other meaning to it. Is it my heart matter to meet with God and serve Him by serving others.

And today my pastor talked about the same things.

This is a good reminder to me. And i am glad to get to follow it. To get to follow Jesus. Because in Him there is true love i want to follow Him and share to others.

I hope that you are having good time in the beginning of this year. This theme realy touched my heart. He touched my heart and reminded me what is important.´I feel shamed, that i was arrogant in this matter. And humble that God teaches me in very many ways.
Thank you Lord!

"And he sat down opposite the tresury and watched the people putting money into the offering box. Many rich people put in large sums. And poor widow came and put in two small copper coins, wich make a penny. And he called hiw disciples to him and said to them,
"Truly , I say to you, this poor widow has put in more than all those who are contributing to the offering box. For they all contributed out of their abundance, but she out of her poverty has put everything she had, all she had to live on."
Mark 12:41-44

These verses in the Bibile also remind me of what peoples heart can be. I think that ladys heart was to God. And she trusted Him and gave all she had in her poverty. We can relate our life to that. I doesn't have to be only money issue. But only look in your heart and see what are the reasons we do things. Even giving out money.

May God bless you!

2010-12-21T10:39:00.000-08:00

Hei everyone!
Hope you are having great Christmas time. Maybe with your friends or family. :)
But not everyone can do that. Some people are alone.
Or some people just have hard time being together with family.

Here, in Estonia, lots of families base their christmas with drinking alcohol. And with alcohol included, they are having lots of fights and arguments.
Family gets together and you think you are having nice and quite time with brothers-sisters and lots of relatives. But in the end of the evening they find each other fighting.
And then after years they start think before Christmas that how long time takes this Christmas us to have a fight. And it happens over and over again.
And leaving from the family you are more disappointed than happy. But still you do it year after year with wish to be with the family, because maybe you don't see then until the Christmas time.

Now i am facing Christmas. And i fear Christmas don't come so happy with seeing my father to drink and everyone around to be nervious.
Some moments i am scared and i even forget, that i have almighty God.
But i must not. Because He is the one i can hold on to. Even if things go so wrong as they could. He is still my rock. I can lean to Him. And i know that in Him i find peace.
I hope you who are having hard time also will know to hold on of Jesus.
Merry Christmas!

2010-12-04T08:49:00.000-08:00

I have been reading in the Bible the book of Psalms. And in Chapter 63 it is talking about the time when David was in the desert. And there he talks about how his spirit is thirsty for God. So much like a person would want to have water in desert.
David is talking all about how he praises him and worships him in the morning and even in the evening in bed.
And then he continues in verse 8. Saying that God was help for him and under the shadow of His wings he can cheer.

If i think about that verse, then it is saying to me like i could hide behind God and then say to all the world around me - haha, i'll get you now, because my God is with me. And i think that's great.
And i can do that. Be under the shadow of His wings and cheer from there about His mercy and greatness. And then step out with God against anything.

KidsClub

2010-11-18T04:18:00.000-08:00

I haven't written here a while. But now i acctually have something to say.

I want to say that God keep surprising me. He amazes me.

This week i didn't have any preparations for kidsclub done. And so this morning i just started with it. Just a half day before kids come. And i think and think. And start to write about today's theme. And then in all this half day the ideas just come. I know it can't be from me, because i haven't got such a great mind. But He is working through me.
Today's theme is that does God really know's about me. Does He know's what i feel and think. It is very important for kids to know that.
Because He does know what we think and feel.

We also do worship with kids. And Laura (big help) plays guitar for us. And to have worship in kidsclub put my heart to glow. Because i love to worship God with kids.

Dear readers..Pray that kids who come to kidsclub would feel that God hears them and sees them. Pray that they would put their hopes on Him. Pray for our KidsClub.

Lord is good.

Morning comes always..

2010-10-04T23:31:00.000-07:00

Some evening i go to bed and i don't fall a sleep. When this happens it makes me irritated and in a bad mood. Or sometimes it is a bit scary just to lay in the bed and listen the silence. Then i quickly put some music on. But this scary feeling still stays. And it is because of the thoughts of a new day that i am waiting. There are some scary thoughts. ..What might happen in the new day? .. I have so many thigns to do! .. I don't know if i am able to do all that! .. I don't know if i am able to do it at all!
All sorts of thoughts.
Sometimes i feel like i need to tire myself so much at the day time, that when i lay in my bed, then i fall asleep right away. Then i don't have to worry about the scary thoughts.

Some nights are odd and even more scary. Because of my nabers. Is that they having a party half night and half night they fight. Or they are banging behind door to get in the apartment of their own. Anyway, i hear everything. That is a scary feeling.

And some nights i just see a bad dream.

The truth is that these nights remind me living with God. Not that He is bad. But some times/days are darker than others. And i have survived in all of those `dark nights` that come in my life. That is because He has loved me and supplied me and calmed me and encouraged me. And often i don't even realize it after hard time has passed already.
All kind of things happen in my hard times like in my nights, when i try to fall asleep. But He is with me.

And my joy is over fact that all nights are not scary. He is still with me :)
And morning always comes.

MY STRONG PERSON

2010-09-03T09:09:00.000-07:00

Who is your strong person?
When i was a kid. Then strong person for me was my mother. I knew that in whatever matter she was there for me. Around her i felt safe and i knew that all is going to be all right.
I didn't have to worrie about that i can make a mistake. It is all right to do mistake, because she was there to help me through mistakes. I didn't have to feel ashamed to act in a certain way. Because she loved me as the way i was. I am her child.

Around other people i usually watched how i act and what i do. I didn't want to embarras myself. I was scared to fail infront of other people eyes. I didn't want that. Thats what i do.

Learning to know God i know that He is my strongest. He sees me and knowes who i am. I can trust Him. I trust Him to be my strong person. Even when i do mistakes. I feel so safe with Him. I feel, that when i am with Him, then i don't have to scare. I can be me. Around Him i know that all is going to be all right.

Trust in Him

2010-08-10T12:42:00.000-07:00

I just can't keep saying that He is amazing. He is greater and stronger and best.
Why? Because He just has took my life and turned it upside down. And i let it to do, because He is in my life so deep and He loves me.

I thought i was always trusting Him and that i put everything on Him. Every side of my life. But what happened just resently changed my thinking of Him.

Maybe i have told, but i haven't had just this perfect fairytale childhood. I had father who drank and beat my mom. And mom who let that happen. I saw that most of my childhood. When i was younger i just went to do my study somewhere else. To Valga.

Before that, when i was in 9.th grade they had huge fight, what ended my mom being in hospital and father in jail for the night. So after that we moved away and lived other place for a while. I came to Valga school and father decided to quit drinking. So my mom went back to him.

Years past and father started to drink again. Just whit a little bit a time. And every time he drank more and more. It went that far that he said very bad to my mom and even beat her again. I was far from that situation now. But when i found out that it is happening again, then every time it broke me down. But i couldn't do anything, because they didn't let me. So there i was.. God was in my side, but i still felt helpless. Only thing i could do was to be with them and treat them both kind. And pray.

And oo yes there was many people who gave suggestions. And i still felt that i can't do anything.

Then some days ago. My mom called me. Late night!?! That was strange, because she never calls so late. Then i understand that something is wrong. She was half crying and telling me that father wanted to kick her out again. Again!?! That was new. And that she didn't know what to do.
She didn't want me to come that same evening to take her away from there. And there was nothing to do when she didn't want.
But that broke me down. I think that was the worst night ever. I prayed hard that night. I told Him, "that now i have nothing anymore. My family is broken and i can't do anything. But You, God can do something. If You don't do something, then i have no-one to trust. I really don't have anyone to give my hope on."

Next day when i got to my parents place, then my mom told me that she has decided to give father second chance. If he quits drinking and arrogant attitude, then she is ok to make it work. She told this to my father and he was agreeing with that. But the thing was that mom wanted my father to promise me. who am i to take this promise. I never thought that they value my oppinion. And there he was, sitting against me and saying that he never drinks again. Can you imagine how odd it is to hear it from your own fathers mouth. That thing just went straight to my heart. It wasn't that he just said that but he ment that. And mom could talk everything from her heart to us. It was good time together.

And i praise God for that. Because nothing like that can happen itself. He is the one who opens door and closes them. He gives ways for us. And He has way for my family.

Through this time i learned to put my trust in Him. And it changed me. It is new way how i see Him. He really does miracles and answers prayer all the time. He is always here. Always hears us. He is not far.

And now. Like i heared from one song. I don't want to talk about Him like He is not here, because He is right here with me. And i don't want to sing like He is far, because He is right here. Always.

Why i tell you that story? I guess because to tell you not to think He is far and He has no control over things. He has. I thought that my thing was too big for Him. But some prayers take time to get answer. Like mine.

His love i so overwhelming for me. He fills me up. And I feel like new. I feel alive.

I do so much mistakes and He is still here. Why?? Sometimes i think that i don't deserve it. And i don't. But His love is so big, that He just does things because of His love. This makes me feel humble infront of Him.

I can open up your heart for Him. He is near. He never leaves us. You may think that you are so sinful and don't deserve His love. So did i. But you know what, you can go infront of Him and ask forgivness. Not in arrogant way, but in the humble way. He forgives. Because His love is so big.

God who is greater

2010-08-07T13:34:00.000-07:00

I wanted to share with you this little story what happened this week. And how He really acts and how He has His own ways to do things. And they are amazing ways.

You all know my heart for children. I have done kids work in my church now few years, but this heart for children hasn't fade away. It has grown stronger more and more. It is not just the kids in my city. I love hanging out with kids everywhere. They are like these little magnets that are pulling me to them. To be with them and get to know them.

So we have been thinking to expand our kids ministry in here, Valga. To expand to Valga county, at the country sides.

I see how God is working in me to get me to go there. How i do nothing and He is just opening the doors. How everything fits in it's own place like in a puzzle picture.

One thing what He did was to give me the way to go at country sides. He gave me Norwegians. A group of young people wanted to come here and do kids ministry. The Mission Adventures group.

So now we have been in two places at country sides. We went there and could do for them kids Super Summedays. What i saw, was that they realy had good time. These days were super for them. I could see kids long to do actions with someone. They had so much fun together. I saw those kids coming back all days. Longing to be with us. I saw how they opened up their hearts for us. And i saw how they listened about God and didn't turn away from us. And i see that God our Father is the one who has been doing work in their hearts.
I know that so many kids have hard situations in their homes. And that this team was with them, gave them a smile, played football or basketball and so much more games with them or just hang out made big difference for them. They saw that they are welcomed and loved.

And then we had another group from Norway, who was also here last year. They wanted to share their love and time with our city kids. We had every day around 100 kids. And God could do lot of work in them.

I just want to thank God who is greater. He, who is so great, loves us so much. His mercy and forgivness is with us. He is never failing. He helps is in things we need. We can trust Him and give all our burdon on Him. And be sure He will be there and helps you to carry your burdon, because it is heavy for you.

I see how God can change those kids at the country side. I see how He can change these kids in Valga. And i see how God is with me. I know that His love and mercy is not ending, but is with us.

So God is greater in all this.

America and Estonia

2010-07-21T04:55:00.000-07:00

It has been a while since it happened, but i still want to share about it with you. About the English Camp what happened in Estonia (Sihva).

It was cool week full of so many exciting things. We had english environment, meetings (where Dave spoke amazing stories), games, free time - Caffee time. Ohh, i really liked Caffee time. It means you can hang out with lots of new people, buy snacks, play games and have fun. ´Good time. :)

And we shared about God..

So the kids came and they coould practise theyr english and hear about God. For me it was nice to see how they opened. Some asked questions, some just listened. But you know that God is the one who makes difference in their heart and changes them. I loved to see that. When the Amercians left, then for youth here it was hard. They didn't want them to leave.

I didn't know what to expect about the American group. I had only heared about them. I was exciting to see who they are. And i was surprised. In a good way.

They are good group. To see their heart and how they loved God encouraged me a lot.
Also around us we can often see (and in camps) how the "cool kids" are included to have fun, but those who are quiet are left out. It never happened at this camp. All the kids were included to have fun. I liked that very much. That makes a big difference.

I was glad to be a part of it. I wait them back next year. I am excited about what happens now with those youth who went to camp from Valga.

2010-07-06T09:02:00.000-07:00

I want to tell you a little story.
It is about my friends. First i say that i really care about them.
But little less than a month i have had hard times being together with friends. Relationships are hard, right? That we all know.

Then time came when for me and i started to see mistakes what i did to my friends. I did something wrong and friend felt bad. I felt bad. I didn't show that out. I felt bad inside me. I thought i should have no friends at all. Honestly,(Bad thinking).
You might ask what was those bad things i did. Nothing so big really. But i felt that i am hurting them. And i did. In little ways.
This thing went on long. I didn't talk about it. Didn't say anything to no-one. Not even to God. I didn't say anything to Him about it. Although i am sure He knew.

So some days were better and some days were bad. I could go so low with my mood, that i wanted to disappear somewhere. But i didn't.
Because even if i am feeling bad, then one thing what i can't do is to let down people. If i promise something then i do it. So i didn't go nowhere. I had things to do.

So one evening. I had a opportunity to have worship with other people. Big group of people. And i didn't know all the songs. For songs i didn't know they gave me lyrics.
But there was one song when i had no lyrics. I kind of knew that song also but not everything.
I had a person sitting next to me. She knew the words. She is my friend.
And for a second i had a thought. That i am so relieved, because if i mess up then i can always listen her and don't have to worry about if i don't know all the words. And then it hit me. I understood somethings about friendship.
That i don't have to worry so much if i mess up, because friends are there for me still. I can see that. And i don't have to feel shamed, because they don't let me down or leave me. They are there. And all the mistakes i do in relationships. I can talk about them. Friends together can fix them.
I know i will do much more mistakes. Then one thing i have - forgiveness. I can ask forgiveness from them.

I am also little sad, that in my life i don't talk about these important themes with Jesus. I do want to do that. Trust Him with everything. And i should. Because He really can help me with stuff. I guess He always is doing that. I mess up and He is not leaving me. I might not see that. But He is there for me.
And i am happy happy happy because of that. He has given me these awesome friends.

The best God

2010-06-10T09:55:00.000-07:00

It has been a crazy day. It started with clouds and almost rain and with my bad mood :(. But it seems to end with sun and my crazy good mood.
I know, i'm not proud of my mood changes. But i am happy about the great God we have. Because He is making always everything better.

We had a great kids club time today. We have done some changes for the summer. That instead of 2 hour, we are doing it now 3 hours. And i usually feel after 2 hours that i am so tired and sometimes i really wait when club is ending. But today i wasn't tired in the end and i didn't watch time and we were together even half hour longer with kids. WOW.

We had fun, even though there was only 3 kids. We strted with 1, but evantually 2 more came.

The time with kids and this job is so encouraging for me. God's work changes everything. I mean i can't be mad or in a bad mood doing this. This mean much. To go out and give something from myself and to know that God is with me - wow - it gives me so much. Now, can bad mood stay into that amazing work?

We have added some extra things to our programme because of the time we have more now.
Today we used puppet theathre. Because only one kid at the beginning we decided just to do our own made up puppet show.(We had planned puppet show teaching) So Chris and this boy was one team and me and Laura another. And then one girl came also into our team to have fun with us. Anyways, I have to say that we had so much fun. In some point i just couldn't stop laughing even though we were just performing our puppet show. But the thing was instead of laughing my puppet had to cry at that time. Hehe.
And although Chris and this boy had some language barrier, then they did great job together. It was awsome.

I am glad that i'm in this work. What i do is actually so little, but for me it is everything. And that makes my day.

For next year i am planning to start working more with kids instead of accounting what i am doing together with kids work rigt now. With country side kids. But some days i feel, that i am stupid for what i plan to do. Honestly.
I think i'm not stupid actually, but for estonian people this kind of work is no work at all. And i should do the real work (like my dad likes to say).
But for me, this is real work. This is so real. Because God is real. You know what i mean.

Anyway, i can always go for other opinions and saying, but what really matters is God opinion and what He thinks and wants for me.

So dear readers,
our God is awsome. The best.

2010-06-10T01:37:00.001-07:00

Tänu Issand, et kui minu arm teiste vastu on lõppemas,
siis sinu oma mitte kunagi.
Tänu sinu armastuse eest.
Sest ma tean,
et kui minu kannatus on lõppemas,
siis Sinu oma püsib alati,
ja kui minu headus on kadumas,
siis Sinu oma on igavene.
Ja kui minu rahu on kadumas,
siis oled Sina minu rahu.
Tänu Issand, et kui asjad juhtuvad,
siis Sina juba oled seda lahendamas.
Tänu, et Sina oled minu Jumal
ja Sinu juures on nii hea.
Aita mind minu nõrkuses
ja murra mind minu kõrkuses.
Kui ma eksin, siis näita mulle tee.
Kui ma kukun, siis aitad Sina mind üles.
Sa oled nii hea Jumal.
Sa oled lihtsalt nii üle mõistuse hea.

Seda teed ma tahan
iga päev Sinuga koos käia,
iga päev,
sest vaid Sinuga koos on nii hea.

2010-06-02T13:23:00.000-07:00

Hei blog and my dear readers! Long time haven't been here. So it is nice to be back and right some stuff what has been happening lately.

You know it is so hard to summarize what's happend lately. I've been busy all kinds of stuff. I have done lot's of babysitting, accounting and ofcourse kids work here in Valga. It has been busy but fun.

Last Saturday we had last day for children church for summer. Time to have some rest, but also little sad to finish it for summer. We had some great time together at the last saturday. We had over 70 kids. That was great. We have had 40 and less than that over a month, but for the last one we had lots of kids. It is acctually prayer answer, because we prayed, that so many kids could come, that i have hard to count them. God is amazing and answers to prayers. Right :) hehe.

We thought long before we found good theme to tell them at last children church before summer. What we found that even though they don't come to children church at summer so often, then they should know, that God is always with them, even in the summer. So my great team (Laura, Chris, Katrin and decoration girls) did great job. We planned drama for kids. Two sketch. One was talking about what might happen, when you don't walk with God and second talked what happens when you walk.
I wanted to tell kids to keep God close. Real close.

But the fun thing was, that kids who came to children church the most from December to May can come with us to Pärnu. Like a bonus for them.
At Pärnu we went to water park. Three little kida and three older kids. So six kids all together with us.

But children church comes back in the summer for three big partys. Awsome yeah :). Our American friends from Salem Chapel and Norway friends from Mission Adventures are coming to be and help with our kids. I can't wait :)

So yesterday we went to Pärnu. I drove with one car and Laura with the other. It was raining instead of sunshine. aaaah. But we had great time. I was with one lady and three little girls at one car. We drove and talked and drove. And then kids started to sing some songs they knew and some song they had learned from children church. That was so much fun to listen.
But anyway, the fun thing for me started when we drove in to Pärnu city and i haven´t been there at all. I approximately knew where the water park was but other that that, i had no idea. I am not that good driver also to just take it easy and just drive. So we drove some extra rounds just because i turned away from wrong road :))). But to find eating pplace was even more fun. Hehe. You could imagine.

Main thing for me with the water park was that kids had fun. One girl (10 year old), who usually is so calm and with no emotions was having fun !!!! Yeeee. She was so happy and exited and just took my arm and wanted to take me everywhere she could, that i could do all the fun things with her. I was so happy. And she was also.

Summer is here. And i am planning to have lots of fun this year. And to rest. With my friends.

So for the end i just want to say that God is awsome. He is great to make all these things to happen. And i love Him with all i am.

Sad lady

2010-05-14T07:14:00.000-07:00

In our church we had woman's meeting in Wednesday. And i got an awsome testimony for myself of how great God is and how He can make people shine. We had a visiter from Holland and she talked for us in womans meeting. That how her life has been and how she found Christ. First of all - it was so good to hear how she found Christ. It made me so humble infron of Him and i thought how nothing is impossible in His hands.

Then later we all got to talk little about ourselves for everyone. That who we are, what we do and what are our dreams and so on. So there was one russian lady. For me she is always so happy, always smiling and she has so kind face. But because she speaks only russian and i know russian just so little, then it is hard to even talk with her. So.. She started to talk, that she lives alone, she has almost no money, she has big rental debts and a lot of time's she has nothing to eat. Suddenly everyone was quiet. I felt so sad for her. How can i help her i thought. But then she said one of the encouraging things at that evening. She said, but my God is with me. After all those sad things she announced that with happy face.

I don't know what i would do in her situation. If i have almost no money and nothing to eat. Would i be same to say, that i am with God and He is with me.

She trusts God so much. That is big example for me. And i know, that God takes care of her. God can use everyone and everything. He is that mighty.

2010-05-07T22:04:00.000-07:00

I like these quiet mornings. Especially when you go out to walk. Then you see the world totally different view. And it is so quiet and peaceful. Birds can loudly sing their songs. Some people are out with their dogs. Even beaver can enjoy calm water, well sometimes :).
People rush to work or kindergarten still sleepy child at the end of the arm.

Have a nice mornings.

So the bible days

2010-05-03T05:17:00.000-07:00

There it came.. bible days.
I have to say that it was awsome to me.
There was together over 800 young people. I don't know if they all were christians, but i believe, that they got something in their hearts. And i hope that to seek more God brought them there.

There were some great people wo spoke in meetings and seminars. I learned new things. And most importand, i learned to know more about God and my relationship with Him.
And it was so encouraging to hear what those young hearts are saying. Their testimonies went deep into my heart. God is doing something in Estonia.

Most of those meeting and people who spoke, talked about going out to share. Get full of God, stay full of God, but don't let it stay in you. They teached that Jesus wants you to go out and share. I liked that so much. Young people were exited. And i hope they were encouraged with that, that they really go out and share with their lives and mouth.

There was one basketball player, who gave an interesting exaple. He told, that you can do so much fun with basketball (while playing), but what you can't do is stand on it. You can try and maybe you are finally good at it, but evantually you still fall. Or you can't stand on it at all.
But Christ is our foundation, what is solid. YOu never fall down from His foundation. It is solid and strong. If you are standing on that foundation, then you will stand. But if you choose world to be you foundation. Then evantually you fall.
I liked that, because this is so true. Even in my life. When ever i start to count more on world things than God, then i fall. Try to stand on basketball. Think about when you stand and rely on worlds things. Are they lasting. Evantually you fall.

There was one seminar ("Nature, creativity and hope"). And this guy brought one small tree along with him to use as an example.
He told, that to get good fruiting tree, you need to take care of it and time to time cut some branches. To cut, because then juice what is inside can go to brances, that need more juice, and then they are stronger. Right.
So now he told that we are like these trees. Our spiriutal life need to be taken care of also. And God is doing it. God knows what is better for us. He knows what we should do in our lives. So He knowes better also what brances to cut.
But to give more time those things that God thinks are the best for us, we need to cut out some things, what are not and takes all our time (like watching Tv, internet and so on..). Some things may be only minute or two in our daily life, but still we can cut those out to make time for better things.

It was to me. I have been struggling with some things, that takes my time and my focus away from God. I know that. So, why i still keep doing those things. They are not bad, but just takes my time. But i realized, that God know what is better to me. If i listen Him and take more time for Him, then i am focused to Him and He will teach me in my daily life.

So most of the time was me to listen, think how things are in my life and now to change.
God is the best. It was good time with Him, woshiping Him and praying.
But now i am at home. God is here also. What is the best thing, that He hasn't changed. He is the same yesterday in bible days, today and tomorrow. And i can count on Him.

Piiblipäevad!!

2010-04-30T02:15:00.000-07:00

I am so exited. Today starts bible days in Paide. Few hours and then we go on the road.
It has been event where i go every year. And i never have to disappoint being there. To see so much young people who are coming together because of God. And they really want to worship Him. All boys and girls. They are kneeling infront of God and worshiping Him.

I don't know if it is me, that i am grown in God, but this event goes better and better every year.

We have there worship (band), people who talk about God, fun things, seminars about interesting themes, free time and ofcourse time to meet new people. And adventure to those who comes from far places. It is all there.
Funny thing is.. new this year, that everyone can be up until 2 am in the morning. After that everything has to be guiet. Crazy right :))

All who are praying along with me. You can pray that those young people can be filled up with God or find God for themselves, that they go back and share it with others, who don't know God. That evantually all Estonian young people know God.
To pray that every young people could open up their hearts to God. And you can pray that all young people who goes from Valga open up their heart too for God.

Ćool thing is that my friends Chris and Laura are coming with us. I have talked so much about this event to them. :D I hope everyone likes that. This is just awsome..right :D

Some last years pictures:
Sitting and listening someone :)

Band was playing and we were worshiping God. Everyone could take a rock that represent sind and drown it to water, then everyone got candle and we put it on the table.

Kätrin, Jaanika, Anne-Mai and me :)

So close

2010-04-13T06:29:00.000-07:00

I had crazy weekend over long time again.
In some ways it was fun and some ways sad.

Saturday i went to aunt birthday. Big number for her. I had great time meeting my relatives, who i haven't seen long time. Laughing and talking and dancing. It was good.
I went to my parents house for night, because it was closer than Valga. I decided to head back home in the morning. Then i started to get ready for bed.
About that time my mom had phone. My aunt called, that accident happened. Cousin was driving on primary road in city centre when someone comes from the side-road and hits my cousin car in the middle of it!?!? Driver had ignored the sign to stop.

Fortunately no-one got hurt. But that made me think again over long time, that how easily my life can end. That how easily their life could have ended.
I was just driving an hour earlier that same road.

That accident made me think to put my life more on God, that i have put already. Trust Him more and follow Him. Go with the plan, that He has for me. To follow things, that are more important to God, that the things in this world.
I know one thing - it is not easy all the time, but worth everything.

Have a great week in Him my dear readers!

God who shines through you

2010-04-04T12:04:00.000-07:00

In estonia we have every year in the beginnign of May BibleDays for teenager. Those three days are good to experience God and worship Him. And many young people from different Estonian churches are going there. More and more each year.
For me it is great three days, when i can take time off and just search God and worship. And also encouraging to see how many christian youth we have in estonia. Every year we try to take from our church young people there to see that and search themselves.

This year they want to get 1000 youth from estonia to go BibleDays. This is just awsome how that team is working. And one of the things they did was prayer-chain. All day at 3.April, people could choose half hour and sign up at internet to pray. I felt like whole estonia was praying for Estonia youth and about BibleDays. It was good to be a part of it.
And it is encouraging to see how young people are searching God. More and more.

I am so used to go to Bible Days and to be part of it. And it may sound regular thing for me. But with every year this event goes more stronger and stronger and bigger. Because God is there. Something is happening. I think WOW, God is working. He is doing something infront of my eyes. Something to get estonian youth attention.

That made me think how God shines through people. People who are willing to step out and do thing. Like that BibleDays team.

Thank you God. It is amazing what You do.

I see how God is working. I see how people are shining with God's love. And that is what non christian are seeing. This is what young people are seeing. Are you with me??
If you and me and others are shining like that, then people see that. They think i want to hang out with those people, because they are cool. They have something. They are different.
I know that, because i do that also. I want to be with people who has God inside them. They are shining. I want to hang out with them. It is so.

Wonderful Easter to you all.
God is good, let's praise Him together.

Great fresh air

2010-04-03T06:23:00.000-07:00

It is amazing how spring has come so fast. It feels that just yesterday was deep white snow everywhere, but now - almost nothing at all.
Few weeks ago i asked kids in KidsClub, that what they think when snow is going to melt. They say after two days or a week. I couldn't believe them. But now this has come true.

It is like waking up from long sleep. I feel like bear, who wakes up from winter sleep. And you can go outside and breathe great fresh air.

I always felt guilty, when i whined over snow. Why it is not already melting?? Why it is so cold outside? Why it is still snowing in march?? When i was thinking these thouchts, then i felt guilty. Because i knew i wasn't thankful. I wanted to be thankful, that this all is around me. Thankful that God is such a great creator. He is the best.

And now i feel also thankful. I want to thank God for what is around me. Even if it is raining and no sun. I like it. And i want to thank Jesus.

"I have learned Your name,
it is beutiful.
I have searched You,
You always answere.
And then
i even left You,
but i had to turn
my way back to You.
Because i learned,
that things don't look
alive anymore without You.
Now i want to thank You
and never forget."

When i lose my focus or way how to do thing, then i look to Jesus.

2010-03-25T17:57:00.000-07:00

Oh i love these great days, when i have so much fun suff to do. Like watching movie. You just sit there. Watch the screen and look and think - "Cool, world is ending!".
Not cool ofcoure. Movie "2012" disappointed me. Like they stole it from bible or something. Yeah, great, lets build a big ship and so on. Yeah, yeah i know i am whining. Hehe. But it is funny how they did that movie. Suspense almost to the end and then they go on a boat and live happily ever after. :))

Then. I love these evenings, when you are with friends. Like playing card games. Some crazy one. Or Catan. Someone is happy, that she/he is winning..someone again is mad or sad that they are loosing. But actually i love, when it doesn't matter. In the end it is just a game and you found that you had great time with friends.(especially, when they make me crazy inaf, that "party-Kerli" is showing herself. Well, it is not my fault, that i can't stop laughing, when i am tired.)

But actually i am talking nonsense here. I guess to humor myself. Because it is 3:10 am and i am not still tired, but i will be at the day time. Guess who needs to go to work tomorrow??? :)) And also youth are watching some more crazy movie..

Well! have a great day to you. I will see what i can do with mine :D
See you..

2010-03-16T09:26:00.000-07:00

I just had good and great day with my friends, also doing some preparations for kidclub and children church. Also some accounting. It has been good full of work day and being with friends.
I like that.

This day encourages me to keep going.

talk, talk, talk

2010-03-10T06:46:00.000-08:00

As usual, i come here to write when i have something to say. Other times i am just that boring person, who has no big talent to write or say something good. But when it is about God, then i just long to talk.

But let me tell you a little secret.. if it should be face to face with you all my dear readers, then i would be in trouble. I just couldn’t. I would be scared to talk all what i have said here in this blog. Believe me.

Have you ever scared to go infront of people and talk?
When i was in school, then i had to talk sometimes infront of my class, some reports or something to tell. I was so scared. Lucky when i could even say something sensible. Hehe..

The main problem i have is that i care what other people think of me. That i might not tell the right things. I have been so insecure. This insecure feeling has been in my life long time. Insecure about how i look or how i talk or how i seem to other people.

(I think, that i am maybe little bit selfish too. Because i want to like people. Even when i haven't met them already. I want to like to you.)

The thing is..all this "what other people might think of me" started to interfere my life. Or i should say it always has.

And when i started with children work in church. I thought, that everyone think i am this young little girl who don't know much and shouldn't lead this kind of thing. I thought i must be super christian for that. I have say, that when i said YES word to lead children work, i didn't think those things. My only thoughts were my heart desires. What i long to do for God. Anyway, these thoughts came later, when i had to face the fact, that now i am going to talk about God to kids, to do lessons for them.
First time was awful for me. I was so scared, that i am sure kids didn't understand anything. But i kept going with my lessons. Some better than other. And i started to know kids more and who they are. And trusted God. When something went wrong, then i had someone to talk with.

I have done that over 1,5 year now. Makes you feel pretty self-confident, right? By that time i should do lessons for kids, that nothing should bother me.

But i crashed.

And i found, that i am still scared. Not because of kids, but what grown-up people might think. I hate that i have been depended so much on other people opinion. And i hate, that i think what other people might think of me. Because actually i don't know. It is all in my mind. Only here.

And i crashed after one lesson i did, where many grown-up people were. When the lesson was over, then i didn't know what to do anymore. How to say my team about it? Or what they think?
Next day we had team meeting. And again i felt so low. I thought i shouldn't lead this kind of God thing, because i can ruin it with my bad lessons and with me.
This thing went on days.. i thought that now everything is over. i am bad. i shouldn't do this work at all. Other people are definitely better and so on..

I want to thank God what He has done for me.
It is so easy to follow God when you are OK. But when i am not, like i wrote, then what to you do?
God is the best, but in that situation i didn't want to listen Him. I was arguing with Him. Good thing He always wins.

After days, I could talk about it with my friend and my pastor. I got some good advise. And i listened God. In this low time He didn't forget me, but did work in me all the time. He told me what i needed to know. I am He's child, He loves me so much.

When i now go infront of kids (no matter if there is grown'up people or not), then all i talk, is for kids hearts. That i think of them and not grown-up. I don't want to let these bad thought in me anymore. It is going to be hard challenge, but i want to take it.
Because truth is - i can't live without the work i am doing. I can say no some other work, what i am doing also, but not for this.
I can't say no to God and no to kids. They are in my heart. Pain they feel, i feel it. Joy they feel, i feel it.

I know God doesn't search my knowledge, my wisdom, my skills. He is looking my heart. I might not be good speaker, but i have my heart that loves these kids. And i say every day, that 'God if you think you can use me, then use me'. If something is say, can stay even in one kid heart from 30, then i am happy.

You might think, that what weird life i have. That i go through one crash to other. Maybe you think i am perfect christian, but i am not. Only Jesus was perfect.
Every day i have struggles.
Even i think i am weird, because it seems, that other people don't live in struggles like i do. Looks like they have just few and i have double. I think i am getting used to it.
I am with surprise and suspense waiting for other thing. :)) And ofcourse if you ask God to show what needs to be fixed in your life, then He will.

Right now i am happy. Happy that God is my God. And that He loves me so much.
I wish all you happiness.
Be loved and love.
God love's you.
Forever.

P.S. Thanks for staying with me. i realized how long this talk was :DDD

2010-02-26T11:14:00.000-08:00

There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.
1 John 4:18:

You hear and you answer, when i shout;
You will catch me, when i fall down;
Your presence makes me alive again;
You are my God, i worship You.
(Estonian worship song words,
what are close to my heart,
because i feel that so much)

ESTONIA...

2010-02-23T06:35:00.000-08:00

I am not in Norway.

I am back in Estonia.

In my favourite country. Why? Because being away so long made me miss my own. I like to travel, but i never can be away long and not to miss it so much. To come back here always. I guess that it is always like that to people.

That makes me think, that how missionarys can go out and not to miss theyr own. Yes, they miss. But they have bigger plan in theyr heart. And God has His own ways. I guess i am missionary in my own country and my heart don´t run for other countries, but for here and for these kids.

2010-02-17T23:34:00.000-08:00

Hei everyone.
I am in Norway right now. It has been great time here in YWAM school, where my good friend is. And i got a lot of new friends. That is awsome. And to see how these young people are yearning God. It is blessing to see that and encourages.
But now i am starting to leave.

What i wanted to say is that this time has been awsome. Not only because of the new people. But because God is still moving. He always is. I learned so much new about God.
During the time here, we could be in lessons. This guy Leif was teaching about Holy Spirit. And the amazing thing was, that first hour, when he should have talked, he just prayed. Because God was over him so powerfully. First everyone prayed with him. I could think that it is normal. But when he already prayed 20 minutes and more, then on everyone faces had question marks. What is he doing?
He started standing up and in the end he was laying on the floor. But later he said that he couldn't do anything against it. It was all God. And i loved it. That God was using that man just to come and teach. So it wasn't him to, who had to change, but us who wasn't used to that kind of thing. To see teacher up there and pray - so long. We were expecting teaching.
And the school leader later said to us. Everyone wants milk. But you have used to get it from glass. Now it is different. You have to take the milk from bottle. But it doesn't matter where the milk is in. What you want is milk. Right. It was great example.
So we wanted teaching. But we just had to take it from different form.

In this few days i have been learning more about who i am. And who is God. And that how He loves me. And i am child of God always. He created me just as i am. Who is should be. God never makes mistakes. I don't believe, that He did mistake creating me, who i am.

And i know, that God loves me, even if i am big mess inside. He knows that mess. He know what i feel. When ever i think that no one know, then it is a lie. He does.

What Leif said, was that Holy Spirit never is violent. Holy Spirit comes in a gentle way. If i say no, then He doesn't come. He stayed away. But He is looking you. Your heart.

And God is heart hunter. He is not seeking wisdom and your mind, but what is in your heart. Heart that is yearning for Him.
I would know that. Because when i started to do children work, then i wasn't smart. I even thought, that i am not good for this job. I was talking to God long time, that i am not right for this, because i am young in christian life and i have no big biblical wisdom.
But my heart was different. I was yearning for Him. I said Him so often, that i want to do something for you God. So often. And when He did, then i thought that i was no good for this.
He seeks realtionship with me. And it doesn't matter how much i force myself to read bible or go to meetings or do what ever. If there is not my heart in it, then in the end, there is nor big value to it for me.

But i do want to seek Him. Like i said these past few days has been good. I could just fill myself up spiritually. To experience His presence.

God spoke to my heart. He does that again and again. When i finally understand that nothing is going to change His love for me. And it doesn't matter how much i do, i can't gain His love with that. He loves me and i am His child. And this knowlidge is just starting to settle in into my heart. That i can be safe with knowing that.

This trip is going to end soon. But not knowing that.
I don't know why i have to talk around this subject all the time. But it is in my heart. And i think my heart needs change. And i can be in His presence and know that God is safe and solid as a rock in my life. And i can trust Him, in everything. And that feeling makes me so safe, like i am wrapped in something like a little baby, and hold and loved.
God bless you everyone.

And Norway is so beautiful country. Nature is so beautiful, that if you just look the view up some mountain, then you can see God's creation. And this is something that hasn't changed. Beauty of seeing all the nature. And people here are so nice. And it doesn't matter if they are christian or not.

Late night medicin

2010-02-06T18:13:00.000-08:00

Could you imagine, that it is 4:14 at night or better to say in the morning and i haven't sleeped all night. Scary. Atleast to me. It is awful to be sick. My father thought that i was crazy, when i went to the kitchen to make some hot water to my medicin. Because he thought i was starting to make some morning coffee to me already. Mm coffee is not so bad idea at all. But not for now. Well, then he is as crazy as i am, because he is also up 4:14 at night. What a family i have :)))

Then i thought to use this sleepless night and write something. I like to write. You should have seen my letter to my best friend Jaanika. I can imagine how long she read it. :D But writing doesn't always mean that there comes something sensible.

But i love to talk about God. Well, since He is the best in my life and i love Him as crazy,then yes. And usually you want to talk about who you love. Right? I do.

I thought today, that when you turn to God, then He turns to you. Like when you don't even feel in the low time in your life, that you would want to turn to God, then i know what you feel. Why should i?
But i also know, that in the end i always turn to God. No matter how long time it takes. Sometimes i just have to force myself. But when i do, then i feel, that being with GOd is the place i long to be. And then He turns to me.
He never steps over the line, when you don't want to. It's when you turn to Him, then He turns also.

Or what to you think. how it is in your life?

Well, i should go to sleep now. Crazy as i am, but i do need sleep. :D Hehe. I wish that i could take some sleep from my brother and parents.

God makes new.

2010-01-31T04:30:00.001-08:00

God makes always something. And sometimes He makes new too. In all the places in earth, in different countrys, but also in peoples hearts. He makes new, if you let.

I find, that no matter how grown in Christ i think i am, i can always learn new. God shows these things for me (and you).
If i year ago thought, that i have done childrens work now a year - that now i am smart and know things lot better and i am good to do childrens work. Well, i was wrong. Yes, i knew things better, but no i am not ready. There is always something new to learn. God is teaching me every day. Through kids, through teaching kids.

He is pointing out what are the things in you to change. I am really thankful for God, that He is doing it to me.

He makes new in childrens work, if there are people, who are willing to step out. He makes new in your heart, if you are willing to let.

Today, before Sunday service i asked God if He could just break my heart today. To break my heart with thing, that are in me.
And ofcourse as you know, if you ask something from God, then He answeres. Right?
And He did. Best God.
What is the problem with me, is that i have a low self-esteem. It started in childhood - i thought i am not good inaf, beautiful inaf and so on. Just this avarage girl.
Before i started to do childrens work here in Valga i always asked God, that He could tell me, what He wanted me to do. But actually i was saying to myself, that yeah right, like i am good inaf in something. God surely must see that.

Well, i have started to get over it with step by step.
I still not look myself as that nice and good Kerli. But knowing, that God loves me, changes me.
And today i talked about it with my good friend Jaanika. She is so kind and helped me to think things through. She reminded me, that i should love myself. Love who i am. That God created me, and God knows best, who is Kerli.
This broke my heart. How can i love myself?! I am not still good inaf or beautiful inaf. But God loves me. And if that big God loves me (little person), then how can i not love myself. God who is creator loves me. Isn't that make you feel better.

God changes people. God makes new. He takes these old wounds and cures them. And He is with me. He makes me to love myself.

One child asked me, that how can God hear my prayers, when He is so far away. He is never far away. He don't need to use ear trumpet to listen us. He is close and hears everything perfectly.

God answeres to prayers, just like that

2010-01-28T10:28:00.000-08:00

You can see it so often, that God answeres to our prayers. It's amazing right. But then point when you clearly understand, that God just did it. Makes you want to jump and just be joyful.

Ok, i am going to tell you then.

Today we had KidsClub.
Before that Chris, Laura and I prayed about Kids Club. Every kids club they have no questions about God or if, then these funny questions. But today i prayed, that they just would ask their questions, what are in theyr heart. That it is not me who ask them to ask, but it is in theyr heart.
8 kids came and made my day. We started to talk about last weeks theme (book with only colors). And asked, if they remember what each color ment. They did remember, but then suddenly..they had so many other questions too. Like how people came this earth or does He hears us all the time, when He is sooo far away. I just told them, that God is never far away, that He is so close to you, in your heart, if you let. And He is always there for you. I was so happy, that i could answer to these questions.

We spent good time together. And every time i ask from them that about what we should pray. This time they so opened themselves. They had pray requests, that made my heart ache. So we prayed together.

And then today every child could do themselves a "Prayer Book". It is about Mathew 6:9-13. And then some extra pages to the end to write theyr own prayers. They enjoyed to do that.

God makes changes in hearts. And one day these kids hunger for God. Even right now.

But iwant to praise God for that. He is the one, who makes miracles. He cares.

My friends..

2010-01-25T12:25:00.000-08:00

I just have to say that i have a great friends. I can't be more happy.
Even if you do something so stupid, that they laugh about you, then you still know they care.
My Friends care if i am happy or i am sad. And they want to help me.

I have many friends i believe, that i cna call and ask help and not feel rejected. Isn't that awsome. I try to be the same. Sometimes i feel, that i fail. Fail beeing such a friend.

Be friend that people can rely on.

Crazy two weeks!

2010-01-24T07:18:00.000-08:00

Well, it has been amazing time. In our church we had 5 cool peopel helping us two weeks. And all i can say, that they are awsome.

Two guys and 3 girls did lot of things in here Valga, Estonia. Our church building is so big and there is always so many things to organize and clean. So they helped so much with that. I can only thank them.

So we did more things at the time they were here. We spend time with kids in Children Church and Kids Club. Then spent time with our youth. More youth actually came to youth meeting, when they were here.

So much more thing we did togehter. Laughing, joking, more laughing, did crazy pictures, running around and so much more..

..................................................................................

Wooow but life is nice. So much has happened. We gave out in Children church to kids presents from America, North Carolina. All kids who has came to children church a lot got them. And they all liked presents. It is amazing. I am so thankful for the presents. God is blessing us and our kids in Valga.

New year is starting now. I have some crazy ideas for kids and just to have fun in my life. Right guys..to have fun. And with God. He is amazing in my life. He is awsome in my life. I am thankful for that. God is good. And i am going to live my life with my awsome God.
I am planning some trips this year. Ooo yes. Isn't that cool. I know. hehe.

And i have some cool cool friends to have fun with. Right Laura, Chris, Katrin, Jaanika, Helari, Oleg and ooo how much more friends i have to have fun.
Ok see you soon. I am coming to eat Laura. Oo i am coming already :)))

Bye for this time.
God bless you all and i hope He is in your life.

End of the year!

2009-12-31T07:01:00.001-08:00

Oo yes. This year is ending. And already today. Great. I had amazing year this year. I met so many people, got to know some nice people and have more friends now. Nice :)

I broke my leg and got over it. It's not so good as it used to be, but i am happy to walk at all.

I learned to know God more. Did mistakes. Growed more. And understand with every day, that i am so happy, that this amazing God loves me and cares about me.

I met people from Finland, USA (NC), Sweden, Norway, Denmark, Holland, Latvia..and more. It is great to know them. I have friends from all over the world.

I had really great time with kids. Kids are cool and great. I am happy, that i can do KidsClub and ChildrenChurch for kids. I want to know more kids from Valga and learn to know them.

I got my apartment. Two rooms. Had some good friends who helped to fix it. Now it is nice. I have furniture.

I got to go to Norway. Norway is so beautiful. And i had my first airplane experience. Nice, isn't it.

Have a nice new year to everyone. Happy New Year!!

Christmas time

2009-12-25T05:42:00.000-08:00

Christmas time is a very beautiful time. All people wishes everyone something good and want to do more good things than usually. Christmas is a time with family and friends. But what is more important is that Christmas is a time for Jesus. It is not about anyone else, that Jesus. It is His birthday. People forget that. People don't even know that. That makes sad. Then it is our job to let people know, what is Christmas all about. I wish courage for everyone, that they might talk about it for others. To share.

Before Christmas our church went to poor families to give out christmas presents. We got them from Norway and they were ment to poor people. It made me very happy to do this before Christmas time for them. But in the same time sad, because i could see these poor familys, their homes. Usualy you never can go there. You could see, that not all people and kids have good clothes, food or warmth inside their homes. By warmth i mean love and caring inside family. A lot of familys have violance inside familys. Wifes get beaten, even Christmas time. Fights happen, even in Christmas time. And kids who feel a rest of their life, that Christmas isn't good times, because father or mother (or both) drinks alcohol and often argufy with each other. What a great Christmas??

For me Christmas is time, that showes love more than any other time. Because when you don't remember it some other time, then in this time you do..That Jesus was born at that time. That God showed His love to people, reavealed it.
And i can show my love to all. I wish, that less familys would be broken. I wish, that more familys would love and care about each other. I wish that violence could disappear from this world.

Happy CHristmas time for everyone.
Love each other, care about each other. Be kind.

Service at Sunday

2009-12-06T04:42:00.000-08:00

It is good, that we have these Sunday services. Because God can move in great way.

This Sunday i thought i know everything about grace now. I wrote it in my blog earlier. But NO. Still not everything. So thats why it is good to go Sunday service too, because you learn so much new. And most of all, you start to learn more about yourself. Like i did this Sunday.

I thought OK now i know, that God gave me life with His grace and i didn't do anything to get this. I found that yes, i realy didn't do anything to get this. God did, Jesus did. And i found that in deep of my heart i couldn't believe it. I started to think that it is true and now this subject is closed.

No it wasn't closed subject. Because i still didn't understand it in a right way. And i still didn't believe it in my heart. Because my thoughts are - How can God love me? I don't deserv it. Is it really true? I am NOT worth it. And so on.

And it get's more worse, when i do something wrong too in my life. I do mistakes. And i punish myself in my heart telling myself these things. Telling that now God stops to love you. That look there is a line now from where God's love end.
HE knows that. Hw knows my heart and knows that i have to learn that. This Sunday i started to think about that again. In my heart i asked one question from myself - How Kerli you think about Gods grace and do you believe, that you are in it too?

I couldn't say yes, because i have doubts. I shouldn't have. But it is so hard to believ. I think that could anyone explane me that. That it counts me in too. That i am worth everything He has for me. That He saved me and now i am saved.

Children Church

2009-11-29T04:11:00.001-08:00

Yesterday we had great day in Valga. Our church went out to culture centre to do Children Church there. And it all happened because yesterday city lighted Christmas lights on city chritmas tree.

So all kids, who usually came into our church, were there. We had this amazing time together. We sang songs, played (a lot) and our pastor Margus talked with kids about christmas and what christmas meaning is.
We brought along lots of legos. And kids could just play with them. or if they didn't want to play, then they could draw pictures or have their face paintings.
For me it looked like they had fun day and good time.

Ofcourse i want to thank all the helo i had. Everyone in my team. They are so good team, that they come out and give their time, even if it makes them feel uncomfortable. I am truly blessed with my team. God bless them.
And as a surprise, we had guest-help too. Our dears friends from America - Josh and Kim came here. It was so nice to see them again.

I hope that God is blessing all those kids, who came. And that they come back to children church.

Have a nice Christmas time, what just began.
God's grace over you all.

Grace

2009-11-15T07:34:00.000-08:00

Grace of God is so amazing thing.
All this week and last week i have learned more and more about His grace. Like really learned about it.

Before these weeks, i thought, that yeah God's grace is upon us, but what it really ment, i didn't know. I thought that ok He loves us and cares about us, but in the inside (really deep inside) i didn't believe it. Why then???
Because i thought, that God is angry, when i do bad things and He don't love me anymore. Or like i heard in a preach today in my church: "How long i say more these `laste time and i don't do it anymore` words to God. That maybe if now, when you have done sin, then suddenly God don't love me anymore. Or abandon me. That was crazy thinking. That was thinking under a law. But through Jesus we are free. He makes us free from fearfulness.

And i am so happy, that now i understand. Because i thought, when is the last time, when He forgives me. And then He is angry at me. But Jesus already paid our sins.
I thought, when is the last time and then He leaves me. I am scared of that.
But He never leaves us. I can be sure of that.
And i am free. Free to know, that our God is strong and faithful.

I have learned, that it is so important to know about God's this side. That He is forgiving and His grace is over us. It really is so.

Feelings

2009-10-28T08:45:00.000-07:00

All my day is going by with good and bad feelings. Like when something good happens, then i feel so good. But when something bad happens, my mood can go so deeply down. And it even scares me.

I just remembered something great. That whenever i feel bad or sad, then kids can always make my day or feeling better. You can think that i am weird, especially, that i have no kid of myself. And that i talk all the time about kids. But they have conquered my life and they are my life.

2009-10-24T12:39:00.000-07:00

Sometimes i think why God gave us feelings. And once, when i heard something terrible was happened, i asked GOd: " Why do i have to feel so all this pain?" And He just said, that i could just love more.
And i just know. I know the more i let things come in to my heart, the more pain i feel, when something should go wrong. And oh how it makes me hurt.

But i am happy, because that shows, something is in my heart.

Week ago i thought that i need brake from things i do in church and in my other job places and i arranged things that i could rest. So i took the time myself for resting. OK! Sound good, right? Right. And it feels good, some time of it. Now when i am rested almost two days. But oh how i feel bad doing my rest time, when things are happening in church - i mean children church. Today was first time, when i wasn't in children church in this autumn. And it feel horrible. I love to be with kids so much, that it hurts my heart, that i couldn't be there today. I love to hang out with them, even when they aren't good kids all the time. I love to talk with them and ask how are they doing. And i love to hear what they say. And even when they are angry, that i don't let them do everything they want, in the end of the day, kids still hug me and say goodbye. Everything this is in my heart. And i never couldn't believe, that this happens with me. That i am trusted something like this.

And every time i pray, i thank GOd for that. That He gave me chance to do this. Even when i think i am not right person for this. Or i don't do everything right.

Only thing i could ask for other is to pray for me. That i still could lead children work. And follow God's heart.

So...

2009-10-23T10:19:00.000-07:00

...the new feeling has come. Rainy, cloudy and cold autumn has come :).
And nwe things in my life. Time has glied by. So much things i have done. It is just overwhelming.

First. Children church started. Oo yes it started and started good. I have found myself good team to do this. And even more. Thankin God every day, that He send us help from America - Chris and Laura. Cool right. If we in here Estonia don't do His work, then He just send help from America. :)) God really answers to our prayers.

And with all my new team we have done great work with kids. Ooo i love kids. They are so funny and sincere and just kids. We started with already ~40 kids and now we had over 60 kids this Saturday. Cool thing is that they like in Children Church. And they want to come back.

If you think now that we are happy and everything is so great all the time, then you are wrong. We are really doing this every week and there are problems. Thats why i like to do team work - i am not alone with problems.

Another fantastic thing is that we are having guests. Like week ago group of Denmark people visited us. They came and did wonderful party "Trip to Denmark". They talked fairytale to kids (with acitng it out), played games, shared about God, baked good Danish sweets and most important - they took time and played with kids and shared their hearts.
I like having guests. I like to meet new people. I like to hear what God is doing in different places.

Another awsome thing is that we had already snow. Ok, not really snow snow, but still amazing to have first snow. And this rainy and cold autumn is over soon. Then we are having cold and full of snow winter. Winter is cool - you can have fun in snow and just experience it.

Haha.And now i am saying hey to Laura. Peace.

I hope you have wonderful time all the time.

What a time???

2009-08-26T12:28:00.000-07:00

WHat a time? Could you honestly think, that you spend all your summer just doing work instead of resting. I just did that. Now the summer is over and i feel that i would want to rest more. But that is just normal. Right??? Who wouln't want to rest more, that they can.??!?

So the summer is over. Actually it was wonderful summer. I could hang out with my friends, do things with kids, have fun with group of Norway friends, visit Norway. Wow, so much i did in this summer. Important thing is, that i could have fun. And that i did.

I can't forget in these saying God. I love Him. He is the best part of my time. And my biggest wish is that He could be in my life even more. And quite doable too?? Right!

But don't you wait autumn or winter already. I do. Because now start new beginning. New things to do and to take care of. I love o do thing and to work. I hope i just don't work too much and find time to load my batteries. Haah.
And in my mind i am waitin that rainy or just cloudy autumn days would come. I am waiting cold days and fresh air. I am waiting new feeling.

2009-07-15T02:17:00.000-07:00

Every child, young and adult are important and precious to God.

If i see chruch, then i see 3 groups - children, young and adults. To deal with every group is very important. They all need knowledge and support. But in my heart right now is young people. Because worlds difficulty and temptations can affect on them very hard. They can be swayed. Then they deviate from the truth of God. It is important age to learn more God.

I got to know God, when is was 16 years old. But if it would happen when i was older, then it would have been harder to accept God, because i could have certain belief's already in my life.

If i have a precious pearl or expensive jewel, then i would keep these things very carefully. I wouldn't be careless with my precoius things.

So it is with every people. God loves us very much and He says that we are apple of his eye. So we should keep every people who we have in our church and love them. They are precious to God and should be precious to us too. We can't keep them reckless. We should give them every oportunity to grow are develop.

I don't want to say, that we have to deal only with young people and not with others. But if i am dealing with children and after they have grown and get older, and they have no youth work, then it is sad to watch them sway away.

2009-06-26T10:10:00.001-07:00

In life happens every kind of things. Things happen people who is christians and who aren't. It is a sure thing.

But how to manage with that. How to manage with that, especially with the pain in our hearts.

I have found an answer. I look up to Jesus. What to you do?

Heyyy!!!

2009-06-14T04:28:00.000-07:00

Today is sunny day. And i don't know how that happened. It's great. We has good Sunday service today. Our church member shared their mission plans with us and show us some pictures and videos, that where they have been. They want to go to do missionary work in Russian again. It's great. So God is amazing, that He is doing such a wonderful work inside peoples. Praise the Lord.

Have a nice day!!

2009-06-13T08:40:00.000-07:00

I find very fascinating things, that involves God. I have found myself thinking about things that affects my mood last few months. Every bad or happy thing, word or event can sway my mood. And i find that it is very disturbing. In one day i can be like 10 times happy and in the same day 10 times unhappy. How can it be?!?

Then i thought, that what can i do to fight with it. I am emotional person. I know that. But is this affecting my heart?

It's like good that i let happy thigs to come in, but i let bad too. And i think, that i should guard my heart. It is taking too much energy from me.

So what can i do?? Not let anything to come to my heart. Or have i just misunderstood all about this. Or that i am not strong enough.

Once, when i heard about very very sad thing, that had happened, i asked God : "Why do you let me feel that way? Why i have to feel so sad in my heart.?"

He just said - to love more.

Are these things involved? Everyday mood changes and sad thing that i feel in my heart.